Photos worth some words.

Friends, strangers, anyone who comes across my blog and is up for reading it:

I am doing so great. I am completely off my anti-depressants and have been for nearly a month now. I am thankful they helped me get through the tough times and that I now know that if I ever need them, they can work for me. However, there is a small amount of added freedom that comes with not having to take them every day and for this, I am even more thankful.

Over the past two months, geeze, I have been having a wonderful time! I have been enjoying life, doing what I love, accepting what this universe has to offer, and surrounding myself with all things positive. What was the worst start to a year I have ever had has turned into what is becoming the best year ever! There continue to be bumps along the road, and I am not discrediting them entirely, but for the most part… I just do not care! I am here to be happy, happiness is me. It is decided.

Here are some photos documenting the best times:

My favorite musician, Frank Turner, crowd surfing at his show. His songs “Get Better” and “The Next Storm” truly resonated with me as I navigated through my dark times. I’m trying to get better because I haven’t been my best… we can get better because we’re not dead yet. Yes, as long as I am still breathing, I can get better. They threw me a whirlwind, and I spat back the sea. I took a battering, but I got thicker skin and the best people I know are looking out for me. Fuck yeah. I am a badass, down but never out, and the best army imaginable at my back. I don’t wanna spend the whole of my life indoors, laying low and waiting on the next storm. I don’t wanna spend the whole of my life inside. I wanna step out and face the sunshine. Pretty self explanatory. Although life may get rough again in the future, I am going to live my time unabashedly. There will be no lamenting.

Nadia and me at the Slowdive show where I danced the night away!

Sometimes, I want to do fun stuff, but cannot imagine who would want to do them with me. I unexpectedly scored a free buddy pass for Six Flags, made a post on Facebook in search of someone to join me, and actually ended up having several folks interested! It turned out to be a perfect day because there weren’t any lines. We rode everything within two hours!

My work fam. I am so grateful for them, and ridiculously honored to be their leader and liaison. This is us at a new live music venue in town, enjoying some of my favorite music: The Beatles!

No summer is complete without pool parties! Last summer, Nicole and I were floating around my pool while she was super-pregnant. This year, Bodhi is here and joining the fun! It is crazy how much can happen in a year, and even in shorter time periods. At this time last year, I had NO idea what the next six months had in store for me. Bodhi was the constant source of light through it all. Maybe that’s why I love him so damn much.

I recently got to see another one of my favorite bands whose music also lifts me up when I need it most: The Polyphonic Spree. Hey, it’s the sun, and it makes me smile all around, all around! I could cry listening to that song. The sun is what I miss most when I go through my seasonal depression. I am so happy summer got an early start here in Texas and I hope it stays!

My best friend and I made a random trip to New Orleans! This is us on one of their famous streetcars. What a wonderful, relaxing, yet fun getaway. This is what I need to do with my life… TRAVEL!

Here I am on Bourbon Street! Before I left on my trip, my boss told me to have a great time and drink a hurricane for him. Done and done!

Besties on Bourbon!

Jackson Square in the French Quarter. We did so much walking, I feel like I know my way around there pretty well now!

This was from our first night in The Big Easy. We had pretty much just landed and were ready to go! It has been decided: she and I make the perfect travel buddies!

Trivia Night with new friends! They have been inviting me out for months now, but they always go to the bar that my ex frequents. I finally decided that I did not give a fuck and went anyway. There will be no holding me back anymore!

Holy Wave’s Memorial Day show in East Dallas. I am pretty sure this bicycle shop was once Service Bar, where I spent many a drunken night in my early twenties. It was a bit surreal to be back, see it transformed… and not be wasted! I have come a long way in the last decade. Back then, I was a bit on the directionless side and felt intimidated by life. The Daisy from those days would absolutely look up to the Daisy I am now.

Goat Yoga is a thing. I am more than happy to participate, although I would rather play with the goats than do yoga, let’s be real. Again, it’s important to find the joy and do what I love. I love being outdoors, being around animals, and spending time with friends. What a wonderful way to do life!

Blurry, but cute.

When you are in your 30s, and your friends are in serious relationships, married, having kids… You end up hanging out with a younger crowd. And that’s okay. Aren’t they pressshhhh?

Officially became a member of Krava Maga DFW’s Run Club!

Birthday hangs with this beauty! I often feel guilty for not spending enough time with all my friends. The truth is, they are my friends for a reason. They would never hold such a thing against me. We just pick up where we left off and have a great time!

Mother’s Day with the best crew imaginable. They are the greatest people I know and I am fortunate enough to know them since the day I was born! If we could pick families, I would pick them. They are more than I could ever ask for.

I won free tickets to a music festival and lucky for me, my lovely cousin joined me!

Running a 5K to benefit the place where I got my career started: The SPCA of Texas! My, how it has grown! It will always hold a special place in my heart, as will the animals and people I met while working there!

Love this baby and this pup as if they were my own!

Me and my Bodhi!

This was my first time at Six Flags in YEARS. I am definitely happy that I bought a season pass!

Six Flags just reminds me to have fun and be a kid again! That’s all I need sometimes.

Do you have a job that introduces you to people you know will be lifelong friends? I do!

My chicas.

When I was feeling lost, my mind was lying to me, telling me that I did not have a purpose in life. This is what I do, though, this is my purpose, this is why I am here. I am an activist, constantly working to make this country and world a better place for both my fellow human beings and the rest of my fellow earthlings, the animals.

A fun night with friends inspired me to get creative again. Yet another thing that was missing from my life. That freedom and inspiration to create! I have found it again, and love it!

The last time I wore a jacket this season!

Although I have met him several times before, this was my first time seeing him since my depression struck. I got to thank him for his music and he was as sweet as ever. Frank Turner, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s a good thing I am an extrovert and able to make friends easily. I showed up to volunteer for the Beto O’Rourke campaign and quickly grouped up with these wonderful women. As we walked through South Dallas to canvass, it became apparent that we are all natural-born leaders and problem-solvers, which made for a very successful day!

I want to do all I can to ensure that this man becomes our senator. I am currently organizing my own event for next month and truly looking forward to being a leader in this campaign!

All smiles. I reunited with the lady who was having a rough time on Valentine’s Day. I wrote about her in a previous entry. It was so good to see her thriving, and she was thrilled to see me doing great as well! The bad times can’t hold us down!

KMDFWRC!!!

Kayaking! It bears repeating: I love being outdoors. Siobhain is awesome and is more than willing to join me on my adventures. I grew up just a couple of miles from White Rock Lake, which is truly a gem in the center of the city. I was happy to show my New York friend around!

What a wonderful group of empowered women, ready to take charge and take their safety into their own hands!

It is always wonderful to meet people who will be complete goobers like you. Life is short, goof around, and have some fun!!!

I am smiling just re-living it all. I knew it, that spring would be my savior and drag me out of the awful funk I was in. Now summer is officially around the corner and I am absolutely thrilled. Soon, my birthday will also arrive and the wishes I receive on that day are always so sweet and moving.

I said it a few months back and I will say it again now: FORWARD AND ONWARD, LADY!

Another day to celebrate Mom!

I wish people would say things to my face instead of running their mouths behind my back. Toughen up and be real. Intimidated much? Then do not say anything in the first place, and certainly DO NOT act as though you want to be my friend otherwise. That is unbecoming of people our age. C’mon now.

Mama taught me early on to stay away from the likes of you. Gente podrida. No te llegan a los talones y no valen la pena.

Mother knows best. She is the reason I am writing again tonight.

I wanted to write yesterday, but the weather won me over. It was a gorgeous day – clear, sunny, and warm, with skies such a sweet blue, I understand why Bryce Avary croons as he does. I spent the majority of the day indoors, unfortunately. From the moment I stepped into my work at 7:15 am until the moment I stepped out at 5:15 pm – not a single second was spent outdoors. It was too hectic, but such is the field of medicine. It is what we signed up for.

When I was able to leave, I went straight home. I changed out of my filthy scrubs, grabbed my pup’s leash, and headed right back out the door with him. I took him out on a mini-hike along the creek and wooded area that lie between our apartments and the animal shelter. Wooden crates strategically placed in the shallowest parts of the creek serve as crossing stones for us adventurous city dwellers. I learned that Pup is not apprehensive about being in water (yay!) and that having him fully vaccinated was definitely in our best interest (since he decided to have himself a drink). We splashed a bit, he sat and allowed me to take photos, I was able to soak up some rays, and all felt well.

We were out for at least an hour, until we started losing the sun. I repeat, I emphasize: I am thrilled that Daylight Saving Time is upon us! More light! More adventure! Happiness!!!

Back home afterwards: dinner, packing, shower, bed. No time for writing about…

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!

Hence me wanting to write about Mom. The woman who has empowered me since I can remember.

The woman who bragged about her first-grader who learned to read and write in both Spanish and English. The woman who set me up to be a brainiac by enlisting me in my schools’ math and science teams. She displayed my trophies (and those of my brother) all in the living room, and dusted them carefully as needed. She saved all the certificates and awards we ever received. Where are our high school diplomas and college degrees? Her house, of course, because in a sense, she earned them. They belong to her, too.

When I was a teenager, she would go on and on about how unique and creative I was because I would piece together one-of-a-kind outfits from thrift store finds. Did she annoy people when she talked about how I could pull off any outfit and how I wore clothes well, like a model? When people complimented my hairstyle back in my college years, she enjoyed telling them that I saved money by cutting it myself. If I ever post a photo of myself on Facebook, Mom always comments that I am gorgeous, even if I am purposely making an awful face in the photo, a habit I picked up from Dad.

Years ago, I let her know that I will never have children because I don’t want to. She responded by praising me for knowing myself well enough to recognize that motherhood is not for me. She commended me for not bringing a child into the world if I am not going to be 100% devoted to my role as a parent. She said there were already many children who looked up to me and loved me, kids to influence, and there would be more (she was right). She instructed me to live my life and be happy.

When I came out as an atheist, she quickly claimed that I am a better person than most people who call themselves Christian. She encouraged me to be myself and to continue on helping others, especially the little critters I love so much.

I informed her I was going vegan… she had seen it coming and took it as a challenge to learn new recipes and modify her dishes she already knew I loved. She researched what to be wary of, found replacements for common ingredients, and obviously bragged about my willpower to stick to such a limited diet. She even started shopping at Whole Foods. My sweet little frugal Mexican mom!

To this day, although I have done it for over a decade, she loves telling folks that I save animals for a living and do much more for them outside of work. She tells that it shows I have a huge heart. She says that with immense pride, I can tell.

She loves that I am passionate about social justice and civil rights. She reminds me of this often. She asks me who she should vote for and why… adorbs!  She admires my sense of adventure, my youthful spirit, and my unrelenting humor, all traits she acknowledges I inherited from Dad and not herself. She is happy I have them regardless.

I did pick up plenty from her, mind you. My compassion and empathy, my want to help others: gifts from Mom. I still do not feel that I am as selfless as she is, and doubt that I ever will be. My goodness, that woman does not know how to say no to pleas for help, even when she should! I continue to strive to be as nurturing as she is, and to be as great a friend. People love my mom. She is adored and respected.

I admit I am stubborn like she is. Perhaps I should not be proud of this, but I get it from my mama so fuck it! Oh, my potty mouth. Yup. Got that from her as well.

¡Daisy, cabrona!

In short, she is the woman I admired first and she is the woman I admire most. I grew up with a wonderful role model right in my home! Now, here I am about to take on a new phase in life, and I am undaunted. How could I be with her in my corner, her hugs and words of encouragement readily available to me? Her protective nature ready to strike if need be?

Do not mess with us chingonas. ❤

Happy belated Women’s Day, ladies. Much, much love.

(mis)adventure

The more I read, the more encouraged I am to write. Not only to write, but to observe and write.

Thursday at work was hectic. Hectic enough for me to work eleven hours without a break. At multiple points throughout the day, when I could spare five minutes or so, I found myself in the break room, cramming food into my face. Needless to say, all I wanted by the time it was my turn to clock out was to go home and eat a delicious real meal.

That was not going to happen.

Because of how busy the day had been, I never got a moment to check my phone. Eating was much more important (if you know me well, this should come as no surprise). It was fifteen til seven when I finally did look at my phone. I had a few text messages from Dustin. The last one read:

Don’t forget I have my sisters play at 7 tonight.

 

Well, shit.

Not only did I not have a quick ride home (Dustin usually picks me up from work), but earlier in the day, while I was riding the bus to work, I realized that I did not have my house key with me. I have Wednesdays off and because most people work on Wednesdays, I choose to do my long runs on Wednesdays. I usually have the sidewalks and trails all to myself, which would not be the case on weekends.

Anyhow, I ran on Wednesday and left my key in the armband that I use to carry my phone while I run. D’oh! So not only did I not have a ride home, I couldn’t get into my home even if I somehow managed to arrive there. And what on earth would I eat if I didn’t get in? I was hungry!

I quickly decided on a plan. I would ride the train to Downtown Carrollton, eat a veggie burger at Twisted Root, take the 400 bus to Marsh and Belt Line, walk down Marsh to my apartment community, and just hang out at the gym until Dustin got home.

I was irritated as I started my journey. I kept trying to estimate the time that Dustin would be home to rescue me. If his sister’s play was at seven (in Downtown Dallas), it was possible that it would not end until nine, then he’d have to ride the train back to Carrollton, and finally drive home. My guess was that it could be as late as eleven before he got home. [sigh]

The train left the station by my work at 7:08. It took less than ten minutes for me to get to Downtown Carrollton. The station there is high on a platform. You have to take stairs or elevators to get down to street level. I got off the train and took the stairs that were on my immediate right. I made my way across the station parking lot and towards the intersection where I’d be crossing the street to make my way to the burger place.

The light took a good while. I felt like I was standing there for hours, partly because I was carrying my backpack and my DSLR camera (in its bag). Both carried a significant weight. As I stood there waiting for the walk signal, I thought about the weight of my bags and how exhausting it was going to be to walk from the bus stop to my apartment. I became irritated again.

Finally, the light turned and I was able to get across. As I headed towards Twisted Root, I noticed that there was a crosswalk from the train platform over the street that I waited so long to cross. Dammit! I wish I had known that before! I could have avoided waiting so long at that intersection. Irritation station.

Whatever. It was time to eat. Twisted Root was surprisingly busy for a weeknight. So there was more standing while carrying my becoming-heavier-by-the-minute bags. There was a girl who was about ten years old in front of me in the (long) line to order. She kept asking her dad for his phone and took pictures of all the bumper stickers on the wall. She annoyed me. In front of her group was a trio of teenagers. None of them really knew what they wanted to order and so they held up the line by asking the cashier question after question about what seemed like each and every item on the menu. I was too tired for that shit.

To top things off, I realized that my phone battery was dreadfully low. I decided to turn my phone off because I needed it to buy a bus pass. There’s an app for that.

I finally ordered, got my food, and sat at the smallest table. The one with only one stool. Perfect for a loner like me. I pulled out the Kindle that Dustin recently gave me and started reading The Fault in Our Stars. I finished the chapter I was on and read an additional chapter before stopping. Reading the way the narrator described the simplest events and her surroundings made me want to pay more attention to my own surroundings and inspired me to write about this atypical evening. The thought of writing lifted my spirits. I started my way away from irritation station.

I turned my phone back on, took a photo for my 100 Happy Days Instagram challenge, and looked up the 400 bus schedule. The bus would be arriving at Downtown Carrollton at 8:30. It was 8:10. I turned my phone off again, finished the last of my fries and pickles, and got up to start my journey home.

I made it to the bus stop with time to spare. There were four others waiting for the bus, all of them appeared to be just as exhausted as I was. When the bus arrived and I had grabbed a seat on it, I looked around and noticed that everyone seemed exhausted. The woman in front of me appeared to have fallen asleep. A man to my left and a few seats ahead was riding with his head lowered. Everyone was quiet.

I felt like such a baby for having been so irritated earlier. Yes, I was tired, but come on, Daisy. You are not the only person in the world who had a long day at work. Riding the bus and then having to walk home is not ideal, but at least you do not have to do it every day, which could very well be the case for everyone else on that bus.

The sun finished setting while I was on the bus and it was dark out by the time I got off and started walking home. I started hoping for the gym to be free so that I’d have it all to myself. I walked and walked and walked. I considered stopping at the gas station that is on the way to buy a bottle of water, but decided against it. I wasn’t terribly thirsty and was making good time. I would be at my destination sooner rather than later and would have access to the water fountain there.

There were others walking along the sidewalk I was on and the one across the street. This made me feel less crazy. The weather was so glorious! It was only slightly cool and there was a lovely breeze. It made my walk more enjoyable than I had expected it to be.

After about fifteen to twenty minutes of walking – I can’t be sure of the time since I do not wear a watch and my phone was off – I made it to my complex and made my way to the gym. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone else there. I closed the blinds for privacy, turned the television on to MTV’s The Challenge, made my way to the stationary bike, and started pedaling away. Might as well even after all the walking. What if someone came in and just found me sitting there watching the television? How pathetic would that be? So although I did not have the appropriate clothes – I was still in my scrubs – I pedaled.

It was at least fifteen after nine. I eventually turned my phone on and realized that Dustin had sent me a text message to let me know that he was on his way home.

Thank. goodness.

I let him know that I was at the gym and sent him the code to get in. He doesn’t know it. He never goes. I continued to watch the television and pedal. I now have the desire to own a stationary bike for my living room so that I can workout while I watch tv.

Finally, a little after 10:00 PM, I heard a knock down the hallway. It was Dustin. He forgot to enter the “*” after the numerical code and so was unsuccessful at getting in. Oh, I was so happy that he had arrived! It was almost my bedtime and I felt that there was so much to do before I could sleep!

What an adventure. The best part, the absolute best part, was that by the time I did go to bed, I was not irritated. Sure, it was a long evening following a long day, but I enjoyed my solo date at the burger place, I learned how to ride the 400, I was encouraged to at least use the stationary bike to get some exercise even after long days, I enjoyed the weather and was encouraged to spend more time outdoors, and I realized how productive an evening after work can really be!

This is not to say that I would like to repeat this adventure soon, but if I have to, it will be completely okay!