Soon you’ll be okay.

Every now and then, just outside my window, below my balcony, a middle-aged man grabs his saxophone and plays it loudly in the park across the street from my place. He is doing so now. He is an angel, he must be. Hearing that sweet sound, those soulful notes, the way they linger in the air, is what I need. Now there’s another man, letting the lone musician know that it sounds good and that he should keep playing all night. I need that too. Strangers being kind to one another, complimenting each other, without invitation, without compensation.

Thank you, my angels.

Life is so beautiful.

I have always thought it so. I have always gazed at the world around me with awe. It still impresses me, even after nearly thirty-three years. I took two of my pets to work with me today, and kept going over to them because animals never fail me. They amaze me every day. Gosh, they are just so cute and how lucky am I to be able to bond with them? Isn’t it astounding? How is that angel making such beautiful music? How is the sun still shining mightily when it is nearly 8 pm? Can I truly be blessed with such friends and family? Why do people consistently come to my aid when I am in need? Why are they so unexpectedly nice to me? Strangers, too!

It is all so beautiful. It overwhelms me, yet I cannot get enough of it.

Which is why I struggle to understand why anyone would take his or her own life.

This week was rough. We lost a good one, humans and animals. We lost a beautiful soul, the sweetest of spirits, one who certainly did not deserve to hurt, not the way she must have in the end, not ever. Now, I hurt for her. I hurt and hurt and hurt.

Death is shitty. It is terminal, it is permanent, and it is devastating. I am atheist, I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not think that she has found freedom nor that she is finally “living” happily somewhere. She is dead. The one life she had is now over, her one shot at happiness has come to an end, and my heart is crushed fearing that she never experienced it. Maybe she had moments of it scattered throughout her lifetime, right? Maybe I should take comfort in that. Because this bullshit that I might see her again is just that. Bullshit.

What the fuck, life? As beautiful as you are, what is this?

 

 

 

 

Last week, I finished watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I was captivated, episode after episode, scene after scene. I could never say that I enjoyed it necessarily, but I do not regret watching it. There are certain stories that need to be told, truths revealed, issues to be faced. I was moved.

Shortly after watching the series, I noticed a series of tumblr posts by a friend I admire and adore. They were morbid. They invited and welcomed death. Some were self-deprecating. Worry for this friend came over me.

Then, Chris Cornell took his own life. But why? Really? Why? No, it’s too tragic.

Then, my friend. Then, a colleague and former client.

May 2017, you suck.

 

 

 

 

I need a break. I need a break from social media. I uninstalled Instagram and Snapchat from my phone. I deactivated my Facebook, but did so rather hastily. I have since logged back in to gather information on groups that I am a member of before I peace out again. All my protests, gatherings, meetings are listed on Facebook. How will I learn about them now? I could also take a break from my activism as well. I simply stay too busy.

This, too, is a result of not believing in an afterlife. I feel it so necessary to cram as much as I can into the only life I will ever have. I need to see everyone, spend time with those I love as frequently as possible, I must hurry and save the world. The world only gets me for a limited amount of time, I cannot let it down. I have to do it all! All of it! Now or possibly never. Nothing is guaranteed, have we not all learned that lesson?

Fuck it, though, I am going to take a break. It’s decided.

I have already started to, actually. I never got too far with learning videography and film editing because someone with actual experience stepped up to volunteer. That freed me up. Most of my activism as of lately revolves around making phone calls to my congressman’s office every Monday, which is a rather easy task. That is pretty much it. I will get a break from that with Memorial Day coming up. Those phone calls can make me angry, I admit and you can probably imagine. Break from those? Yup!

Break from everything but love and light.

 

 

 

 

 

I am hoping to soon figure out what my next move will be. Where do I want to focus, how do I want to honor Beautiful? What will heal the world, and dammit Daisy, sometimes you need healing too! Be selfish and look out for yourself too, lady. You have to come back strong like the bad bitch you were destined to be.

Thank you, you who stand by me and support me and come to my rescue. I love you all. You especially. You did not have to do that. Not any of it. But you did. You are good to me. You are good.

Everyone else, I love you, too. If you are reading this, I love you. You are welcome to my home, to my sofa, to my hugs, to my friendship. I will lend you my ear, my advice, my care. If it is parental advice you seek, I cannot help you, but you can borrow my parents. Many do. I do not mind sharing. You can also come over and let my critters love on you. They are the friendliest little loves. They will make you smile, I promise.

It is not for me to understand why you self-harm or consider suicide an option. You do not owe it to me to help me understand. What I owe you is assuring you that you do not need to be ashamed. Your way of coping differs from mine, and that’s that. It is okay to talk about it, to seek help. Your battle is unique, but you do not have to go through it alone. I know that you can’t just get over it or forget about it and move on. Anyone who expects that of you is clueless.

I love you, okay? Take care and be kind.

Especially to yourself. ❤

I’ve got spirit, how bout you?!

Thank you for all the love on my last post. It is definitely nice to know that messages of health and compassion towards animals are well received. This world is not so bad after all.

Folks, true to my nature, I am beyond myself with happiness as of lately (save for a rough day recently that was immediately followed by a spectacular one!). This happens every year. Spring awakens me, I am inspired, I am aroused, I am motivated. The longer days, the extra doses of sunshine, and the added warmth all play to my favor. This is the time of year that I am my busiest, most productive, and most social self.

Already, every weekend through June is spoken for (the only exception being Memorial Day Weekend, but maybe I can escape to Mexico because my soul is longing for a swim in my river). Volunteering, activism, concerts, festivals, parties, celebrations, 5Ks. Oy. I am not complaining. I love it.

The trouble is this, however: it never lasts.

Year after year, the happiness dissipates. It ceases to be effortless. I have to work to make it happen. Why?

Early last year – if you read back then and remember – I was very much focused on self-actualization and becoming my best self. I went on to learn to take control and remove what was stressful and negative from my life, because only by doing so would the universe receive me as I am meant to be. Only then could I fully contribute and heal the world in my own way.

In July, I ended my six-year-long relationship, thinking that it would allow me to re-center and grow, even bloom! It did not, mostly due to the fact that I continued to live with him until just four weeks ago. He held me back, but I allowed him to. It was my own doing, I enabled him. I am not here to speak ill of him. This may disappoint you, but I refuse. I do it at times, jokingly, and immediately regret it. I cannot emphasize it enough: he is a great man, intelligent, interesting, funny, sweet, romantic, creative, handsome, and I do not know how he put up with me for so long. What I do know is that somewhere along the way, the harmony between us went missing. Whose “fault” was that?

Avoiding the tangent.

Now that I have my own space, now that we are no longer roommates, now that we are friends, I am jumping back on my path. This time, I plan to stay on it on the permanent. For good. For evah evah.

Because the universe is abundant and cares for me, I was gifted with a Wellness Expo being held at the town conference center this weekend, only a couple blocks from my apartment. There were vendors selling energized crystals, psychics providing intuitive readings, life coaches, yoga instructors, the juicing crowd, the aromatherapy lot, manifestation masters, you name it! Everything up my spiritual alley!

I was initially planning to attend Saturday only, thinking that I would spend today with family. My parents ended up making their own escape to Mexico this weekend, though – those lucky punks – so I made sure to score a ticket for today as well.

I am so glad I did. There was much to learn, essential knowledge to absorb! Gosh, let me get my notebook out… I attended the following lectures:

  • Chakra Health and Lymph Drainage Oh, the importance of that second chakra… I went back to the exhibition hall to purchase crystals to help balance it! Also, managing the energy we intake from food. Go vegan, y’all. For real!
  • We are Channels Every Day! Being in the flow, allowing ourselves to be spiritual and experience what life has to share with us. Listening to our guides and signs. Opening the heart chakra to connect with others, especially those we think we dislike or those whom we lost our connection to.
  • Spirit Speaks We are spiritual beings having human experiences. Our spine is our antenna, transmitting and receiving information, powered by our brain, heart, and spirit. We can use this every day to improve our lives. We live in a world of infinite opportunity to create abundance.
  • Practice Happiness and Vibrate Higher Creator vs Victim Mentality, Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset, Neuroplasticity, Positive Psychology (connecting, meditation, gratitude, compassion, focus, setting intention)
  • Power Language: You are What you Think and Say Our thoughts are magnetic. We are not victims, we are co-creators. We can visualize for others, hold a space for them. Everything you have or don’t have is a result of what you thought. Get the universe to shift!

    Amazing stuff, huh?!

    After the last lecture today, I ventured to the exhibition hall one final time because my gut had been telling me all weekend that I needed more amethyst. I went to a booth I had passed earlier because they had chunks of it reasonably priced. Obsidian, green aventurine, and moonstone also caught my eye. I picked my stones carefully and lovingly. Apparently, the vendor took note of this and as I was inspecting, he chose a decorative om (with a $25 price tag) for me to take home free a charge. He felt my energy and knew I would appreciate it, he said. I did. I absolutely did.

    What an experience!

    And what beautiful beginnings! This time, I will stay on this journey. It will be grand and the world will be better because of it. I am going to be the change.

    Message me if you would like more information on the speakers and presenters from this weekend. Also, follow me on Pinterest as I gather more ascension, meditation, crystal healing, chakra balancing, and yoga resources.

    Blessings!

    The scene is set.

    I have WiFi!

    Ah, it’s the little things.

    Welp, I have moved, friends. I have been here since last Saturday and I am completely in love with my new place and my neighborhood! My place is small – only 500 square feet, but absolutely perfectly sized for the minimalist life I want to lead. I do have a balcony, which is a total bonus, not all units have one. It happens to overlook one of the parks in the area, and one of the busier streets. People watching has already proven entertaining, I must say.

    If you turn around the corner of the hallway outside my front door, you quickly find an elevator that I will gladly use to take my bike downstairs, and my tired ass upstairs after rides and runs. Further down, there is a trash chute that saves me from making trips outside to a dumpster. I can also take the elevator down to the recycling bins that are located in the parking garage. This place is dope!

    If you turn left of my door and pass one more unit, you will arrive at the stairs that take you straight down to a swimming pool and game room. Oh, please hurry, summertime! Please come over, friends! Other buildings belonging to the same apartment community also house swimming pools, some larger than “mine”. I believe there are four total! The next building over from me houses the fitness center and others have beautifully landscaped courtyards… And I have access to it all!

    Then, of course, there’s the sports bar, the pubs, the pizza parlor, the taco bar, the sushi place, the Italian restaurant, the coffee shop, the bakery, the wine bistro. There is also a convenient convenience store that I will definitely be visiting as necessary because sometimes a girl just needs a Gatorade and Oreos. There are the parks that I have already mentioned – back to running soon! Man, it’s gonna be hard for me to ever want to leave this hood to hang elsewhere. Sorry, friends!

    I admit that I have not been out thus far, though. Unpacking, organizing, breaking down cardboard boxes, cleaning out the old place, etc., has taken up the entirety of my spare time and most energy. Once I am completely moved out of my previous apartment and completely settled in here, I will return to my natural state, that of a social butterfly.

    Hoolie wants to come over on nights she is off work.

    Lasa is in need of swimming pool time, she tells me.

    MexiBestie is always up for brunch and dranks.

    I am hoping Slow J, Rindsey, Cent, and The Cousins can make it out here too, their weekend work schedules be damned!

    I have also already met several neighbors, thanks largely to my pup who may actually be more social than I am, the big stinker. Hangs with them will likely happen simply because I will run into them anyway. Haha Some of them do yoga and other workouts at the big park. They just make up routines as they go! Count me in, y’all.

    Oh! Back to Resisting as well. My desk and work-space are nicely set up for me to do my thang. I am so proud of how well and neatly I have organized my books, notebooks, pens, markers, poster boards, and binders. I have my signed photo of Jane Goodall framed and sitting on a corner of my desk. I may very well print a photo of Bernie Sanders and add it, too. My heroes, my inspirations, still fighting the fights.

    Gosh, I am so happy. It is amazing what a change of scene can do for the soul.

    Have a wonderful weekend! Happy Spring!

    Another day to celebrate Mom!

    I wish people would say things to my face instead of running their mouths behind my back. Toughen up and be real. Intimidated much? Then do not say anything in the first place, and certainly DO NOT act as though you want to be my friend otherwise. That is unbecoming of people our age. C’mon now.

    Mama taught me early on to stay away from the likes of you. Gente podrida. No te llegan a los talones y no valen la pena.

    Mother knows best. She is the reason I am writing again tonight.

    I wanted to write yesterday, but the weather won me over. It was a gorgeous day – clear, sunny, and warm, with skies such a sweet blue, I understand why Bryce Avary croons as he does. I spent the majority of the day indoors, unfortunately. From the moment I stepped into my work at 7:15 am until the moment I stepped out at 5:15 pm – not a single second was spent outdoors. It was too hectic, but such is the field of medicine. It is what we signed up for.

    When I was able to leave, I went straight home. I changed out of my filthy scrubs, grabbed my pup’s leash, and headed right back out the door with him. I took him out on a mini-hike along the creek and wooded area that lie between our apartments and the animal shelter. Wooden crates strategically placed in the shallowest parts of the creek serve as crossing stones for us adventurous city dwellers. I learned that Pup is not apprehensive about being in water (yay!) and that having him fully vaccinated was definitely in our best interest (since he decided to have himself a drink). We splashed a bit, he sat and allowed me to take photos, I was able to soak up some rays, and all felt well.

    We were out for at least an hour, until we started losing the sun. I repeat, I emphasize: I am thrilled that Daylight Saving Time is upon us! More light! More adventure! Happiness!!!

    Back home afterwards: dinner, packing, shower, bed. No time for writing about…

    INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!

    Hence me wanting to write about Mom. The woman who has empowered me since I can remember.

    The woman who bragged about her first-grader who learned to read and write in both Spanish and English. The woman who set me up to be a brainiac by enlisting me in my schools’ math and science teams. She displayed my trophies (and those of my brother) all in the living room, and dusted them carefully as needed. She saved all the certificates and awards we ever received. Where are our high school diplomas and college degrees? Her house, of course, because in a sense, she earned them. They belong to her, too.

    When I was a teenager, she would go on and on about how unique and creative I was because I would piece together one-of-a-kind outfits from thrift store finds. Did she annoy people when she talked about how I could pull off any outfit and how I wore clothes well, like a model? When people complimented my hairstyle back in my college years, she enjoyed telling them that I saved money by cutting it myself. If I ever post a photo of myself on Facebook, Mom always comments that I am gorgeous, even if I am purposely making an awful face in the photo, a habit I picked up from Dad.

    Years ago, I let her know that I will never have children because I don’t want to. She responded by praising me for knowing myself well enough to recognize that motherhood is not for me. She commended me for not bringing a child into the world if I am not going to be 100% devoted to my role as a parent. She said there were already many children who looked up to me and loved me, kids to influence, and there would be more (she was right). She instructed me to live my life and be happy.

    When I came out as an atheist, she quickly claimed that I am a better person than most people who call themselves Christian. She encouraged me to be myself and to continue on helping others, especially the little critters I love so much.

    I informed her I was going vegan… she had seen it coming and took it as a challenge to learn new recipes and modify her dishes she already knew I loved. She researched what to be wary of, found replacements for common ingredients, and obviously bragged about my willpower to stick to such a limited diet. She even started shopping at Whole Foods. My sweet little frugal Mexican mom!

    To this day, although I have done it for over a decade, she loves telling folks that I save animals for a living and do much more for them outside of work. She tells that it shows I have a huge heart. She says that with immense pride, I can tell.

    She loves that I am passionate about social justice and civil rights. She reminds me of this often. She asks me who she should vote for and why… adorbs!  She admires my sense of adventure, my youthful spirit, and my unrelenting humor, all traits she acknowledges I inherited from Dad and not herself. She is happy I have them regardless.

    I did pick up plenty from her, mind you. My compassion and empathy, my want to help others: gifts from Mom. I still do not feel that I am as selfless as she is, and doubt that I ever will be. My goodness, that woman does not know how to say no to pleas for help, even when she should! I continue to strive to be as nurturing as she is, and to be as great a friend. People love my mom. She is adored and respected.

    I admit I am stubborn like she is. Perhaps I should not be proud of this, but I get it from my mama so fuck it! Oh, my potty mouth. Yup. Got that from her as well.

    ¡Daisy, cabrona!

    In short, she is the woman I admired first and she is the woman I admire most. I grew up with a wonderful role model right in my home! Now, here I am about to take on a new phase in life, and I am undaunted. How could I be with her in my corner, her hugs and words of encouragement readily available to me? Her protective nature ready to strike if need be?

    Do not mess with us chingonas. ❤

    Happy belated Women’s Day, ladies. Much, much love.

    Update #1

    This year is off to a promising start.

    I have been approved for my new place, a place that allows pets, including big dogs! The location is perfect, only two miles from my job. I can either run to work or take the bus when I am lazy (let’s be real – I’ll be riding the bus! haha). A short walk from my place, the transit center stands, giving me the ability to get to just about anywhere in DFW, including downtown Dallas and home to East Dallas.

    There are at least three or four nearby parks. The one closest to me holds concerts and salsa (as in the Latin dance) classes in the summer. In the fall, it hosts Shakespeare Dallas productions. The larger park, the one I have to cross a road to get to, holds the largest Fourth of July and Oktoberfest celebrations in the metroplex.

    There is an abundance of retail spaces on the ground level of all the buildings in the area. A couple bars, several restaurants – including a pizzeria and a bakery that each have vegan options on their menus! – cafes, a yoga studio, you name it. The whole area is very dog-friendly, pooches allowed on patios and such.

    Another short walk away is the town’s convention center and theater. I am already eyeing a health expo to be held there in April.

    Y’all, I am going to be walking everywhere! If I ever find myself bored, I will likely just march myself downstairs and outdoors, stroll around, and see what is going on!

    By the way, my apartment is on the second floor, which means below me, there is not a residency. It will be retail space. I am going to stomp around (as I do with some of my home workouts) as I please! Hopefully, there will be no noise complaints!

    I have mentioned dogs a couple times. Did you catch that?

    I AM ADOPTING A DOG!

    That’s a post in and of itself. Soon.

    I hope everyone is off to an amazing start this week. Much love!

     

    Thoughts on a Thursday night.

    I gave a guy my number.

    He asked me for it, and made sure to use it the very next day, a good thing since I myself wouldn’t have known how to proceed. I haven’t given a guy my number in seven years. This is new to me once more, just as it was when I was a young(er). Whoa, man.

    It has hit me like a ton of bricks that I do not know how to date. Color me clueless. The last time I did, I was in my mid-twenties. I am now in my early thirties, a somewhat different person with a significantly different outlook and entirely different expectations. The truth is, I don’t want to date casually. I do know that much. What a waste of time and energy. If shit is going to happen, then it will happen. The effort I am willing to put in will be minimal, just like it was with the fella, way back in 2009.

    He made it so easy. He asked for my number, he texted me every day, he asked to spend time with me, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me was falling in love with me. All this within two months. EASY. That is how it will have to be with any new potential relationship. Who bothers with wondering and playing the guessing game? Not this gal. Gross.

    New Guy will have to be direct and not keep me guessing.

    If anything, though, I am happy about this development because:

    • I am noticed, I can attract.
    • I was approachable.
    • I wasn’t trying. I had not noticed this guy until he was right in front of me dancing to Frank Sinatra.
    • I did not have to text him first. I was not even given the chance to think about him first, let alone be the one to initiate the messaging.

    Go Daisy, right? For real, though, this will likely not go anywhere. Hahaha. Okay by me, honestly. I still live with the fella after all, and this could only lead to awkwardness, something I would very much like to avoid. Awkward situations were my thing ten years ago – not so much anymore. So hooray for me, way to go, but let me get back to just doing my thing for now, mmmkay?

    My thing right now continues to be just becoming the best version of myself I can possibly be. I am becoming my happiest self as well. It is impressive how much happier I am since exiting a relationship that had become both draining and stressful. My inner spirit is so much more positive, hopeful, joyful. Also, I am damn proud of myself for being bold enough to walk away from a situation that was not adding to my joy. No settling here, folks. Now, at least once a week, I am tempted to share with anyone who will pay attention: I am so happy!

    It’s the truth. I am so happy.

    Happy Daisy days.

    There is more news to share, by the way!

    MexiBestie is moving back to Dallas! It is happening: I am getting my best friend back. Oh, life: there you go giving me exactly what I have asked for once more. You are amazing. It has been almost a year without her and that was long enough! Thank goodness her fiance lives here, it works to my advantage! Thank goodness her job made moves for this to happen, including re-imagining the territories she manages. This is incredible. Oh, man, it would have been so nice to have had her here when The Breakup happened. Ufff. Ah, well. I am getting her back soon and that’s all that matters!

    In other news, no pretty way to segue into this, I am reading a new book, E-Squared, by Pam Grout. The premise of the book is that there is an energy field all around us, and we are perfectly able to harness that energy to create our own reality. There is a series of nine experiments that readers are to perform in a span of twenty-one days to prove this to themselves. I am currently still reading background information, a few explanations here and there, and the author’s own testimony. I am hoping to start my own experimentation soon. Stay tuned! This could get exciting!

    I will likely not read tomorrow, however. I have been granted a four-day weekend with tomorrow being the first of my days off. Am I the luckiest gal or what? My plan is to ride the train to downtown Dallas and wander about the Dallas Museum of Art for a while. Lately, I have been absorbing just about everything that could possibly benefit me and so, I want to surround myself with beauty and allow it to inspire me. I plan on packing some art supplies and my camera to see what happens (until I get hungry). Then, a visit to my Mom’s and my Grandma’s will follow since they both live near downtown. Homecooked vegan Mexican food, here I come!

    Does that not sound lovely? I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. What a wonderful way to live!

    Be blessed!

    Pay up.

    I have been thinking, as I tend to do at the most inopportune times, I have been thinking about breakups. It seems as though when breakups happen, the primary focus is usually diverted to the dumpee. That person, the blindsided one, the heartbroken one, the one who is hurting. The articles written, the advice that is out for the taking, the demonstrations of sympathy – they are directed at that individual.

    What about those who do the “dumping”? What an awful term, by the way. I don’t feel that I dumped him, like a load of waste just needing to be taken out. I mentioned before, I love the fella. I want to remain his friend. Maybe some people do get rid of trash when they break up, but that is not what is happening here, I assure you. Can we call this something else?

    At any rate, I am the one who terminated the relationship. How about that as a title: The Terminator? I am the bad guy, right? The heartless one. The one who gave up. The one who will go about her life and simply move on. That’s not so, believe me. Although I know I did what is best, it sucks to know that I have hurt him. I carry a certain guilt with me regarding the whole situation. I have caused sorrow. Dammit. I also carry a degree of dread. I dread that eventually, we will not be friends. He will banish me from his life permanently, and then will certainly deserve to be called a dumpee.

    Que vida esta.

    I owe it to myself to be happy, though. I truly believe that. I am decent enough of a human being to deserve happiness, I think. More importantly, I hold this role of being what matters most to Arturo and Imelda. Did you know they are so selfless in their position as parents, that they put my happiness – and that of my brother – before their own? They are such wonderful people and they deserve to live happily, more so than I do. But, if their happiness depends on mine, then, fuck – I have no choice but to be happy. For them if anything else.

    It’s as simple as that.

    Be happy, Daisy. And do not feel guilty about it. It is owed.

    Oh my gosh, my name is so pretty. Even when it is typed out. Daisy. Yet another thing to thank my Mom for! 

    I will tell you what is making me happy at the moment. On Friday, I celebrated three whole years as a vegan. Woot woot. That is approximately 600 animal lives I have saved through my diet alone. I have also indirectly consumed about 657,000 less gallons of water than the average person on the average American diet (raising animals for food requires a ridiculous amount of water). I wish I could easily look up how many lives I have spared by not wearing leather nor wool, and also by not using products containing animal ingredients nor that have been tested on animals. It doesn’t matter. However great or small the numbers are, the lives are precious all the same.

    Y’all. This feels so good. I love animals with all my heart, I am entirely devoted to them, and I refuse to take my love for them lightly. They are worth living this lifestyle that can be pretty darn inconvenient at times, not gonna lie. I also adore the planet that I live on, twisted as it may be at times, it is still a lovely place that deserves to be mended and preserved.

    I should share that I have three friends who have themselves made positive changes recently. Kay has started to make a conscientious effort to eat as little meat as possible, Disa is mostly vegetarian now, and Lindsey has gone vegan. What?! The best part? All three credit me as being their inspiration! I am so proud!

    Oh, but as much as food animals tug my heartstrings, I still have plenty of love and time for animals in the entertainment industry, and companion animals as well.

    Earlier this month, I protested Ringling Brothers circus yet again, for the third straight year. It is absolutely necessary to educate the public about the abuse those animals must endure, and we have made gains for them in recent years (Ringling elephants and SeaWorld orcas: we did it!). The success we have obtained only motivates me to keep going. Although I am heckled, what I put up with cannot begin to compare to what animals everywhere undergo simply for being animals. How can I not do it?

    Now that the circus has left town, I am hoping to become more involved with the Texas Humane Legislation Network. I reached out to them last week and in the application to join, they ask about previous volunteer experience. Mine is as follows, dating back to 2009*:

    Looks good, right? I hope they have positions open and that I hear from them soon. I am ready for a new challenge! For the animals!

    In closing, I have a recommendation for anyone going through a breakup: Regardless of which side of the breakup you find yourself on, do what makes you happy, do what makes you proud, do what fulfills you. The breakup will seem trivial in the scheme of everything you do with your time and your abilities. If you find yourself in a doomed relationship, let it go. Why give it the energy that you could instead be using towards your purpose in life? You could be changing the world, even if you do so indirectly. You being happy will benefit all, it will bring positivity. Fucking get to it already! The world needs you!

    Our time is short. Do not let it go to waste. Do not spend it in unhappiness.

    I bet you deserve better. I bet you owe it. Pay up.

    *I remain active only in the last three, but all these organizations merit support. Please check them out!

     

    Timing. Changes.

    Holy crap.

    I may have actually done it. I may have succeeded. I may get precisely what I wanted.

    Earlier this year, in the spring, I mentioned wanting to leave the Oncology department that I am currently a member of in order to work in Internal Medicine/Cardiology. That hope has remained present and as luck would have it, last month, I was given the opportunity to work with CardioDoc once more. Wait, no. The opportunity was not simply given to me. I went after it, talked to the right people, was scheduled as I wanted, did get to spend the week in Cardiology, …

    … and I crushed it. Even though we were double-booked one day. Even though there were too many doctors working and not enough exam rooms, procedure spaces, nor technical help available. Even though this is not the field I am familiar with nor trained in.

    Crushed it.

    CardioDoc praised me in the presence of Bossman (the hospital manager) at the end of our week working together and I took it upon myself to tell them both that I would love to work Cardiology permanently.

    Let’s make it happen.

    Those were CardioDoc’s words to Bossman. I may have pumped my fist afterwards. I am doing so now.

    Fast-forward an entire month and Bossman finally told me yesterday that he is thinking about moving me out of Oncology so that I can work in Cardiology for good. Oh, do not tease me so! Please, please make it happen! He said that he needs to speak to the doctors first to make sure they are all on board and agree with this decision. Dude, you already know that CardioDoc agrees, he said it himself. Come on, now.

    Ugh. I am trying not to do any preemptive celebrating because this is not set in stone. Also, even if Bossman truly has every intention of making this move, who knows how soon it will take place. There are so many changes happening for our hospital presently – new doctors have started, schedule changes have been made, new software will be installed, construction on a different floor – that Bossman has his plate quite full. My move is not a priority, understandably so. Thankfully, somewhere along the line, I picked patience up as one of my virtues. I will be needing it like none other!

    ____________________

    It feels as though life is entering a transitional phase. The timing seems appropriate, though, given that I have started a new year. I admit, having my birthday come up when it did was something that I initially lamented as I noticed its approach. Now, in retrospect, it was fitting and ideal.

    It just felt a bit improper to be in a celebratory mood given that I had just put an end to my relationship. Would he wish me a happy birthday? I did not expect him to feast with me. Would he get me something? It would be the first time in six years for him not to do these things. How awkward. Could I celebrate without him? I was not so sure that I wanted to. What would I be doing for my birthday? I am not the type to plan something for myself. That is just weird.

    Welp, Hoolie ended up planning a small gathering just a few nights before my actual birthday. It was lovely, it was joyful, it was needed. She invited friends that we share, friends that she has introduced to me, friends that we have made together, and, of course, the friend who introduced us to one another, Che. We had drinks, shared stories, laughed, danced, played Giant Jenga, played skeeball, and I even got to open several gifts. Just lovely!

    We were out all night, but before the the party was over, we took a group photo and in looking at it, I realized that those beautiful people had not known me for very long at all. The longest relationship I have with any of them is with Che, whom I met in late 2014 when I interviewed for my current job. That’s it. Less than two years! Yet, there they all were, on a Thursday night, celebrating, showering me with presents, enjoying life with me. I felt so darn special. I also can’t help but feel proud that even at my age – I turned 32! – I am still creating and cementing new friendships and relationships.

    Aaahh, it’s such sweet success.

    The following night, my beautiful friend Slow J took me out for a one-on-one dinner date. I can tell that girl anything and everything, no judgement passed, no disapproval, just unwavering support and well wishes. I was able to divulge the details of my breakup to her; she already knew of my relationship’s recent woes, naturally, since she is one of my dearest friends. She is excited about my newfound “freedom”, she told me that she predicts that marvelous things will happen to me, and she assured me that I will undoubtedly work wonders with my time. She is such a sweetheart. I love her. It was nice to spend that time with her.

    My birthday finally arrived a couple days later.

    The fella did end up wishing me a happy birthday. He even gave me a card and a gift. Believe me when I say that he is truly a great human being. Would you be shocked if the person you just broke up with did these things for you? I was not. That is who he is.  I wish I did not have to end it. I wish it could have worked out. Such a bummer.

    This is part of the undergoing transition, from being someone’s significant other to being single. From being in a partnership to being out on my own. Me: single. For the first time in nearly seven years. It’s almost surreal. Scary, even?

    Again, the timing of my birthday ended up being perfect. I received so many loving messages – from friends, my parents, my cousins, aunts, uncles, former coworkers, current coworkers, former classmates, online friends, district Democrat friends, activism buddies, former clients. People thanking me for being Daisy, expressing gratitude for having met me, praising me for what I do with my life, conveying admiration for me. Geeze. Way to boost a girl’s spirit when personal matters are getting a tad bit tricky! To top it all off, I had a family birthday lunch gathering at my Grandma’s house complete with a little vegan cake, singing, and birthday candles. Damn.

    I am so loved. And I know it. I treasure every single bit of love that is bestowed upon me. I have to. It’s invaluable!

    ____________________

    It is difficult to say what the coming weeks and months have in store for me. My gut is telling me that there will be an interesting mix of positive and negative. It is also telling me that it will not be more than I can handle and that I will remain happy through it all. I tell myself that timing is everything. Che tells me that the only constant in life is change.

    Maybe we are all correct?

    There is only one way to find out… 

    Saturday, Saturday

    Ah, a Saturday without any plans. How perfect considering that the next few weekends will be hectic with concerts, festivals, birthday parties, and weddings to attend. And what if my Stars continue their quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup? Not complaining, but there is no denying that I needed a day like today.

    I woke up before 7 this morning to take my bicycle out for its first ride. I have had Lucifee (that’s what I named my bicycle because she’s red and black, which made me think of the devil, which made me think Lucifer, which made me think of the cat from Cinderella, whom Gus Gus referred to as Lucifee) for nine months now, but with marathon training last year, I could not expend energy nor workouts on anything but running. Then it was cold so I said, “Fuck it, that can wait.” I hate winter.

    Anyhow, being a runner, I know how quickly the day warms up once the sun is shining high and bright, and also how uncomfortable that can be for someone in the midst of a lengthy cardio session. I decided last night to start my trek early because if this first ride was miserable in any way, the chances of me sticking to cycling would not be great.

    I chose to take my well-known running route, the one that takes me through the busy intersection just north of my apartment, down the road, through a couple parks, and to the downtown train station that I actually frequent quite a bit. It’s five miles there, five miles back. This seemed like a reasonable distance for my first tour. I walked Canelo Dog, posted yet another ridiculous Snap, ate a banana, grabbed my water bottle, strapped my phone into the nifty holder I bought, got my noggin secured in my helmet, and off I went.

    I pwned it.

    Additional tours will definitely be happening! What’s even more exciting is that my friend Slow J, an amazing cyclist who 1) works at a popular local bike shop, 2) is a certified spin instructor, and 3) actually leads group rides, says that she will join me on future rides! She’s a badass. If she wasn’t such a good friend, I would be intimidated to have her pedaling along with me, but I know she will be patient, likely give me useful pointers, and be the best company I could ask for. I am stoked.

    I really think that I will stick to this. Runs will still happen, of course, but this cycling business is pretty fun. I am glad I got out and rode today. I was so happy with myself that shortly after I was done riding, I shared news of my success on Facebook. I immediately received two notifications:

    Screenshot_2016-04-23-09-53-19-2-1-1

    I screenshot like a mofo.

    Is my Mom not the most adorable thing? She is so precious, so proud of every little thing I do, whether it is truly relevant or utterly common. She is the main reason I do not deactivate my Facebook account. I did so a few years ago and she just about freaked out and told me that I would just have to text her every photograph I took and every thought I had. I love her…

    So! the rest of today was simply relaxing. The fella took me to one of my favorite places in Dallas, Reverie Bakeshop. It is 100% vegan and has yet to disappoint me with any of its offerings. Today, I walked out with two sausage kolaches, a cinnamon roll, a chocolate donut, and a slice of lemon cheesecake. I rode ten miles today, folks. I deserve all those calories and carbs! No shame in my game.

    After the feast, I relaxed a little in my hammock, read for a few, listened to music, and finally took a nap. I woke up and was motivated to make some moves. SE, my supervisor and friend that I mentioned in my previous entry, has been getting onto me about taking my State Boards and finally getting my license. She even downloaded and printed the application for me as a reminder to get it done. This afternoon, I reviewed what documents I need to turn in, downloaded the material I need to study, requested my college transcript, and registered with the American Association of Veterinary State Boards. I texted her to let her know that I have initiated the process. She seemed pleased, for certain.

    I cannot say enough about SE and how happy I am that she’s my supervisor. I can vent to her about anything and fully trust her. Initially, when I first started my job, I only went to her with work-related questions and concerns. Over time, however, I started sharing more personal anecdotes with her and we quickly became friends. She’s older than I am, which doesn’t make her any less fabulous, but it does make her wiser, so I value all the advice she has to give me. It makes me sad that because our hospital is growing, I will soon be moving to the first floor of our building with our Oncology department, all while SE stays on the second floor that we currently occupy. I won’t be able to go to her all the time as I do now. Not cool.

    Maybe I should really consider the possibility of working with CardioDoc…

    You see, when CardioDoc praised me last week, I not-so-surprisingly told SE about it almost instantly. I had to. Especially because the week before she left, she made sure to prepare me to take her place. Halfway through my week of working with him, she even messaged me to make sure everything was going well. She’s just thoughtful like that, she looks out for me. How could I not share the good news with her when she absolutely wished for and contributed to my success?

    Here’s the best part: when she returned to work on Monday, SE went to CardioDoc and asked him about me. His response? He wishes he could clone me. Well, shit. It does not get much better than that! Those are the best compliments I have received from a doctor in a while, quite honestly. I mean, why wouldn’t I want to work with him? Right?

    Meh. We shall see. I still dig Oncology, after all.

    I’ll wrap things up with yet another darling message from Mom, this one made in response to me sharing all the awesome things CardioDoc said about me. Bear with me, please. Mother’s Day is around the corner and she is wonderful so I feel that this is justified:

    Screenshot_2016-04-22-16-51-34-1

    I get my Spanish skillz from my momma.

    So what did she say? Good for you, my daughter! That says a lot about you, how dedicated you are to your job, and your love for the little animals. Keep it up and don’t ever change! Love you!

    Gaaaaaaaah. Whatever you say, Mom. ❤

    Up and away

    Currently, I hear thunder, the whirl of the fan in the living room, the rain falling outside my bedroom window, my dog snoring, my kitty cat sniffing around with curiosity, and now, the sound of these keys as I strike. I love mornings like this.

    It has been raining heavily – and incessantly – for nearly three hours now. That is how long I have been awake. I waited in bed for about an hour, hoping that the downpour would subside a bit. When it did not, I decided to give my pooch a break and venture out so he could relieve himself. I got dressed, grabbed the massive umbrella that I won at a Texas Rangers fan event, called Canelo over, and out we went. He makes me so proud, how he braves the weather and his old joints. I think he actually enjoyed our walk, that sweet boy. I know I did.

    Why do I not own proper rain boots, though? Given the fact that I take Canelo out three times a day, regardless of the weather, and the fact that I do not own a car, which means that walking and waiting outdoors for buses and trains are frequent undertakings, you would think that I would own at least one pair. Alas, I do not. So I wore my cowboy boots instead. They are red (what up, Footloose?) and vegan (duh!) and fabulous and I really ought to wear them more often. How about some outfit ideas, Pinterest?

    Anyhow, I got back from our walk and really could not think of much to do other than to read or write. I obviously went with the latter…

    Life is in a total upswing! Mind over matter, right? I changed my attitude, re-centered my focus, decided not to stress over situations that are out of my control, and boom! Things are happenin’ again. They are so happenin’ that at any given moment, time and location notwithstanding, I can break out in a happy dance. Truth be told, I totally happy danced my way down the hallway at work last week. One of my coworkers witnessed it, laughed, and encouraged me not to stop. This is what life has become.

    Work has had a lot to do with the current upward trend I find myself on. A couple weeks ago, my partner fell ill and missed a day, then had to travel the following day. This meant that for two days straight, I was left flying solo with the doctor we both assist. This would be seemingly daunting, but in reality, it was nothing that I could not handle with proper time management, prioritizing, and asking my amazing coworkers to handle tasks that I did not necessarily have to personally complete. Doc and I owned those days and he praised and thanked me when the week was over. Oh! he even bought me lunch to demonstrate his appreciation! Free food makes for one happy gal over here. Food is my favorite. Haha.

    That was late last month. This past week, Doc was out of town at a leadership conference, which our supervisor (whom I happen to love and who also owns a jumbo umbrella because we went to the aforementioned fan fest together!) also attended. This meant that the Cardiologist whom she works with was without an assistant and was without a doctor. Daisy – say goodbye to Oncology for the week and hello to Cardiology! Yikes, talk about being out of my element. No matter, though, because CardioDoc and I clicked rather well and had a great week working together. Things went so well, in fact, that before he left on Friday, he came up to me and in front of other employees said,

    “Daisy, it has been a real pleasure working with you this week. You are very efficient and did an outstanding job, I appreciate you.”

    “Aahhh, SE prepared me well!”

    “Honestly, if you ever want to join Team (insert CardioDoc’s name here), you just tell me when you’re ready.”

    Um, goodbye Oncology for good? I mean, geesh, talk about a fucking ego-boost. This doctor also happens to be the Medical Director of our hospital, the head honcho. And he wants little ol’ me on his team?! I am absolutely floored. I am doing my happy dance right now – it’s all in the hips. I cannot believe he said those things. A simple “thank you” would have sufficed, that would have made my day. Instead, my entire MONTH has been made! Man.

    __________________________

    Well, there are other reasons why I am overjoyed as of lately, there are changes I have made, new opportunities that have been presented to me, but I have a brunch date to get to. I will have to leave those details for another entry, hopefully to be completed in the next few days.

    Have a most wonderful Sunday, my friends. May life be good to you, good enough to cause you to break out into your own dance!