Please don’t take my sunshine away.

I have made it through October unscathed. The critters are fine – they are healthy, happy, and as adorable as ever – and I actually ended up having a good time throughout the month.

Canelo and Miguel’s anniversaries led to a couple somber evenings. That was unavoidable, I love and miss them both tremendously. The events leading to losing them… Gosh, I remember every single damn detail, even the minute ones. I can take and place myself back in those moments and just feel this deep, intense sympathy for my past self.

But I’m okay. I am way better off than I was a year ago.

The next challenge ahead of me will hit me tomorrow night/Sunday morning with the end of Daylight Saving Time. Last year, going outside (my favorite place to be!) at the four o’clock hour, noting that the sun was readying to set – it was a huge trigger for me. Every.single.day. It made me anxious and uneasy and I would break into hysterical crying fits. I am not looking forward to this, but I am already practicing my breathing exercises and yes, my SAD lamp is out of its storage box and sitting on my desk again, prepped and ready to go.

I haven’t gone to therapy since July, since before my birthday. Again, as of right now, I still feel okay. We shall see how I feel in December and January when all the anniversaries of my experiences last winter start arriving. I should be okay, but the second that I feel uneasy, I know what to do. I will call up Nikki (my therapist), I will see Dr. Reihsen (she prescribed my anti-anxiety meds and my anti-depressants), and I will take care of myself. I am hoping that I won’t need to, though.

This year truly is different from last year. I do feel good about myself and everything I have going for me, all I have accomplished. Not only that, but there has been so much good news (personal, not like, in-the-news news), that I cannot help but look forward to these next few months. Exciting events are coming, including the birth of my nephew THIS MONTH, so my outlook is much more positive.

Sigh. We shall see.

I am going to bed. I went out the past two previous nights even though I had to work yesterday and today, and I am simply pooped. Gotta re-energize for all the fun to be had this weekend.

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The dream work.

Around this time last year, I interviewed for my current position at work – Intensive Care Unit/Emergency & Critical Care Supervisor. I wanted something new, I missed being a leader, I needed go to a department where I could experience growth. Siobhain knew I was unhappy in my previous position and gave me the idea to apply. I would otherwise not have considered trying to lead a department I never even worked in. Sarah pushed me when I told her about my intentions. Add the encouragement from Cristina, Nicole, Jennee, and Spencer… I went for it.

It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I got the job. In just a little over two years at the company, I received a promotion. That’s pretty damn awesome. When it was announced, I received so many congratulatory messages, not only from friends, but from everyone at work. The employees in my new department were excited that I was joining them. The department doctors joked and bragged about “stealing” me. The doctors I left behind told me they knew I “would get it”. The medical director told me he was excited for our hospital.

Ugh. So awesome.

Here I am now, and guys – I really love my team.

The doctors are so damn dedicated, down-to-earth, compassionate, and intelligent. They are also freaking hilarious, fun, and generous. I actually enjoy hanging out with them outside of work – we have the best times! The team is hard working, they own up to mistakes, they communicate with me well, they get the job done when shit hits the fan [which happens often in Emergency!], and they know how to let loose and relax when appropriate. I cry at least once a day from laughing so much! Just today we were teasing our doctor over her high school nickname, then we were trash talking about each other’s ridiculous weight loss methods, then we started planning more fun get-togethers heading into the end of the year. We even built a cardboard castle for one of our patients!

The occasional fourteen-hour days are doable because we all stick together. Nobody jumps ship and bails. The teamwork is unlike any I have ever witnessed in my career! It makes me feel proud and full of admiration.

So yes, our job is often stressful. Yes, we can all get frustrated. Yes, I have taken on additional stress because of my responsibilities as a supervisor. Yes, work is work. But I get through it because of my awesome team.

ICU/ECC FTW.

Memories.

Why do I check my stupid memories on Facebook? Why?

Well, because the majority are actually good. Really good. Happy. And sweet.

Today, though, there was a not-so-pleasant one from nine years ago…

If the power had not gone out, I would not have been bored on my porch with only my phone to entertain me. I would not have updated my Facebook status. He would not have commented on it. That conversation would not have occurred. I never would have developed a crush on him. Who knows what course my life would have taken?

Nine years ago yesterday, he was completely insignificant to me. What a good day.

Have me a blast.

Things I love about summer:

  • sunshine
  • my brown(er) skin
  • Father’s Day
  • Mom’s birthday
  • my birthday
  • swimming
  • going bra-less
  • baseball

I can’t believe it’s July already! We are halfway through 2018! Does anyone make midyear resolutions? Or, how is everyone doing with their New Year resolutions?

You know how people say things like, “2018 is going to be great!” or, “2018 will be my year!”…

Did those predictions come true? Did they make those wishes happen? Are they having an above par journey around the sun? Is the year truly treating them well?

Things were mighty bleak for me at the end of 2017. My resolution was simple: kick my mental illness’s ass. I had low expectations for this year. All I could ask for was to stop feeling so doomed and helpless. Funny. Now I’m having the most wonderful year, I feel unconquerable and relentless, with plenty left to look forward to and enjoy still. I was not one of those who said 2018 would be great, I didn’t foresee it being my best year… Yet here I am.

Goals for the second half of the year:

  • be the best leader and liaison I can be
  • be a helping hand and supportive friend for all the new moms in my family and circle of friends
  • continue to learn more about jewelry making
  • read, read, read
  • write, write, write
  • run, run, run
  • save more shmoney
  • prepare for the end of this season, do not fear the winter

I am ready. HBIC mode.

Happy Half Year everyone! I am going to head to the pool in celebration of National Bikini Day. Stay sexy.

Photos worth some words.

Friends, strangers, anyone who comes across my blog and is up for reading it:

I am doing so great. I am completely off my anti-depressants and have been for nearly a month now. I am thankful they helped me get through the tough times and that I now know that if I ever need them, they can work for me. However, there is a small amount of added freedom that comes with not having to take them every day and for this, I am even more thankful.

Over the past two months, geeze, I have been having a wonderful time! I have been enjoying life, doing what I love, accepting what this universe has to offer, and surrounding myself with all things positive. What was the worst start to a year I have ever had has turned into what is becoming the best year ever! There continue to be bumps along the road, and I am not discrediting them entirely, but for the most part… I just do not care! I am here to be happy, happiness is me. It is decided.

Here are some photos documenting the best times:

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My favorite musician, Frank Turner, crowd surfing at his show. His songs “Get Better” and “The Next Storm” truly resonated with me as I navigated through my dark times. I’m trying to get better because I haven’t been my best… we can get better because we’re not dead yet. Yes, as long as I am still breathing, I can get better. They threw me a whirlwind, and I spat back the sea. I took a battering, but I got thicker skin and the best people I know are looking out for me. Fuck yeah. I am a badass, down but never out, and the best army imaginable at my back. I don’t wanna spend the whole of my life indoors, laying low and waiting on the next storm. I don’t wanna spend the whole of my life inside. I wanna step out and face the sunshine. Pretty self explanatory. Although life may get rough again in the future, I am going to live my time unabashedly. There will be no lamenting.

Nadia and me at the Slowdive show where I danced the night away!

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Sometimes, I want to do fun stuff, but cannot imagine who would want to do them with me. I unexpectedly scored a free buddy pass for Six Flags, made a post on Facebook in search of someone to join me, and actually ended up having several folks interested! It turned out to be a perfect day because there weren’t any lines. We rode everything within two hours!

My work fam. I am so grateful for them, and ridiculously honored to be their leader and liaison. This is us at a new live music venue in town, enjoying some of my favorite music: The Beatles!

No summer is complete without pool parties! Last summer, Nicole and I were floating around my pool while she was super-pregnant. This year, Bodhi is here and joining the fun! It is crazy how much can happen in a year, and even in shorter time periods. At this time last year, I had NO idea what the next six months had in store for me. Bodhi was the constant source of light through it all. Maybe that’s why I love him so damn much.

I recently got to see another one of my favorite bands whose music also lifts me up when I need it most: The Polyphonic Spree. Hey, it’s the sun, and it makes me smile all around, all around! I could cry listening to that song. The sun is what I miss most when I go through my seasonal depression. I am so happy summer got an early start here in Texas and I hope it stays!

My best friend and I made a random trip to New Orleans! This is us on one of their famous streetcars. What a wonderful, relaxing, yet fun getaway. This is what I need to do with my life… TRAVEL!

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Here I am on Bourbon Street! Before I left on my trip, my boss told me to have a great time and drink a hurricane for him. Done and done!

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Besties on Bourbon!

Jackson Square in the French Quarter. We did so much walking, I feel like I know my way around there pretty well now!

This was from our first night in The Big Easy. We had pretty much just landed and were ready to go! It has been decided: she and I make the perfect travel buddies!

Trivia Night with new friends! They have been inviting me out for months now, but they always go to the bar that my ex frequents. I finally decided that I did not give a fuck and went anyway. There will be no holding me back anymore!

Holy Wave’s Memorial Day show in East Dallas. I am pretty sure this bicycle shop was once Service Bar, where I spent many a drunken night in my early twenties. It was a bit surreal to be back, see it transformed… and not be wasted! I have come a long way in the last decade. Back then, I was a bit on the directionless side and felt intimidated by life. The Daisy from those days would absolutely look up to the Daisy I am now.

Goat Yoga is a thing. I am more than happy to participate, although I would rather play with the goats than do yoga, let’s be real. Again, it’s important to find the joy and do what I love. I love being outdoors, being around animals, and spending time with friends. What a wonderful way to do life!

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Blurry, but cute.

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When you are in your 30s, and your friends are in serious relationships, married, having kids… You end up hanging out with a younger crowd. And that’s okay. Aren’t they pressshhhh?

Officially became a member of Krava Maga DFW’s Run Club!

Birthday hangs with this beauty! I often feel guilty for not spending enough time with all my friends. The truth is, they are my friends for a reason. They would never hold such a thing against me. We just pick up where we left off and have a great time!

Mother’s Day with the best crew imaginable. They are the greatest people I know and I am fortunate enough to know them since the day I was born! If we could pick families, I would pick them. They are more than I could ever ask for.

I won free tickets to a music festival and lucky for me, my lovely cousin joined me!

Running a 5K to benefit the place where I got my career started: The SPCA of Texas! My, how it has grown! It will always hold a special place in my heart, as will the animals and people I met while working there!

Love this baby and this pup as if they were my own!

Me and my Bodhi!

This was my first time at Six Flags in YEARS. I am definitely happy that I bought a season pass!

Six Flags just reminds me to have fun and be a kid again! That’s all I need sometimes.

Do you have a job that introduces you to people you know will be lifelong friends? I do!

My chicas.

When I was feeling lost, my mind was lying to me, telling me that I did not have a purpose in life. This is what I do, though, this is my purpose, this is why I am here. I am an activist, constantly working to make this country and world a better place for both my fellow human beings and the rest of my fellow earthlings, the animals.

A fun night with friends inspired me to get creative again. Yet another thing that was missing from my life. That freedom and inspiration to create! I have found it again, and love it!

The last time I wore a jacket this season!

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Although I have met him several times before, this was my first time seeing him since my depression struck. I got to thank him for his music and he was as sweet as ever. Frank Turner, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s a good thing I am an extrovert and able to make friends easily. I showed up to volunteer for the Beto O’Rourke campaign and quickly grouped up with these wonderful women. As we walked through South Dallas to canvass, it became apparent that we are all natural-born leaders and problem-solvers, which made for a very successful day!

I want to do all I can to ensure that this man becomes our senator. I am currently organizing my own event for next month and truly looking forward to being a leader in this campaign!

All smiles. I reunited with the lady who was having a rough time on Valentine’s Day. I wrote about her in a previous entry. It was so good to see her thriving, and she was thrilled to see me doing great as well! The bad times can’t hold us down!

KMDFWRC!!!

Kayaking! It bears repeating: I love being outdoors. Siobhain is awesome and is more than willing to join me on my adventures. I grew up just a couple of miles from White Rock Lake, which is truly a gem in the center of the city. I was happy to show my New York friend around!

What a wonderful group of empowered women, ready to take charge and take their safety into their own hands!

It is always wonderful to meet people who will be complete goobers like you. Life is short, goof around, and have some fun!!!

I am smiling just re-living it all. I knew it, that spring would be my savior and drag me out of the awful funk I was in. Now summer is officially around the corner and I am absolutely thrilled. Soon, my birthday will also arrive and the wishes I receive on that day are always so sweet and moving.

I said it a few months back and I will say it again now: FORWARD AND ONWARD, LADY!

Time to bloom.

It has been over a decade since I decided that life is too short to have kids. Now I’m starting to think that life may also be too short to train for marathons all the damn time.

I am well.

I am kicking my mental illness’s butt. I have been for the past two months. Looking back, I think the major turning point was Valentine’s Day, actually, a day I thought I would dread.

I met a woman about my age who was absolutely broken that night. She was distraught, crying, overwhelmed, and afraid. I saw so much of my former self in her and it hit me how far I had already come at that point. The contrast between us was eye-opening… I was comforting her! I was feeling well enough already to be supportive of someone else!

I realized that if I could improve by that amount in that short span of time, I could just keep doing so and be much better sooner rather than later.

And here I am.

I am enjoying life, enjoying my friendships, enjoying being myself. I AM MYSELF AGAIN! I am certainly enjoying the spring season, the warmer days, the sunnier skies, the greener trees.

I am happy again.

I have cut toxic people out of my life, I am not going out of my way to be nice to people who don’t deserve my energy, I am excluding those who I don’t necessarily want present in all the fun things that I do. What a difference! So this is growing up?

I am down to just one medication and looking forward to starting to wean myself off it in just two months, right around the official beginning of summer, my favorite season.

I am only seeing my therapist once a month now. I saw her once in March, once this month, and have a scheduled session early in May. After this next one? I don’t know. Stretch it out to six weeks? I cannot even believe I am thinking about it. When all this started, I was seeing her twice a week and would have gone even more frequently if time (both our schedules) allowed it! When I couldn’t see her, I would text her. Gosh, she’s been amazing. I am so lucky she was the first therapist I reached out to and was immediately a perfect match for me.

Anyhow, thank you so much for reading. Keep your heads up. I appreciate your support.

Soon you’ll be okay.

Every now and then, just outside my window, below my balcony, a middle-aged man grabs his saxophone and plays it loudly in the park across the street from my place. He is doing so now. He is an angel, he must be. Hearing that sweet sound, those soulful notes, the way they linger in the air, is what I need. Now there’s another man, letting the lone musician know that it sounds good and that he should keep playing all night. I need that too. Strangers being kind to one another, complimenting each other, without invitation, without compensation.

Thank you, my angels.

Life is so beautiful.

I have always thought it so. I have always gazed at the world around me with awe. It still impresses me, even after nearly thirty-three years. I took two of my pets to work with me today, and kept going over to them because animals never fail me. They amaze me every day. Gosh, they are just so cute and how lucky am I to be able to bond with them? Isn’t it astounding? How is that angel making such beautiful music? How is the sun still shining mightily when it is nearly 8 pm? Can I truly be blessed with such friends and family? Why do people consistently come to my aid when I am in need? Why are they so unexpectedly nice to me? Strangers, too!

It is all so beautiful. It overwhelms me, yet I cannot get enough of it.

Which is why I struggle to understand why anyone would take his or her own life.

This week was rough. We lost a good one, humans and animals. We lost a beautiful soul, the sweetest of spirits, one who certainly did not deserve to hurt, not the way she must have in the end, not ever. Now, I hurt for her. I hurt and hurt and hurt.

Death is shitty. It is terminal, it is permanent, and it is devastating. I am atheist, I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not think that she has found freedom nor that she is finally “living” happily somewhere. She is dead. The one life she had is now over, her one shot at happiness has come to an end, and my heart is crushed fearing that she never experienced it. Maybe she had moments of it scattered throughout her lifetime, right? Maybe I should take comfort in that. Because this bullshit that I might see her again is just that. Bullshit.

What the fuck, life? As beautiful as you are, what is this?

 

 

 

 

Last week, I finished watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I was captivated, episode after episode, scene after scene. I could never say that I enjoyed it necessarily, but I do not regret watching it. There are certain stories that need to be told, truths revealed, issues to be faced. I was moved.

Shortly after watching the series, I noticed a series of tumblr posts by a friend I admire and adore. They were morbid. They invited and welcomed death. Some were self-deprecating. Worry for this friend came over me.

Then, Chris Cornell took his own life. But why? Really? Why? No, it’s too tragic.

Then, my friend. Then, a colleague and former client.

May 2017, you suck.

 

 

 

 

I need a break. I need a break from social media. I uninstalled Instagram and Snapchat from my phone. I deactivated my Facebook, but did so rather hastily. I have since logged back in to gather information on groups that I am a member of before I peace out again. All my protests, gatherings, meetings are listed on Facebook. How will I learn about them now? I could also take a break from my activism as well. I simply stay too busy.

This, too, is a result of not believing in an afterlife. I feel it so necessary to cram as much as I can into the only life I will ever have. I need to see everyone, spend time with those I love as frequently as possible, I must hurry and save the world. The world only gets me for a limited amount of time, I cannot let it down. I have to do it all! All of it! Now or possibly never. Nothing is guaranteed, have we not all learned that lesson?

Fuck it, though, I am going to take a break. It’s decided.

I have already started to, actually. I never got too far with learning videography and film editing because someone with actual experience stepped up to volunteer. That freed me up. Most of my activism as of lately revolves around making phone calls to my congressman’s office every Monday, which is a rather easy task. That is pretty much it. I will get a break from that with Memorial Day coming up. Those phone calls can make me angry, I admit and you can probably imagine. Break from those? Yup!

Break from everything but love and light.

 

 

 

 

 

I am hoping to soon figure out what my next move will be. Where do I want to focus, how do I want to honor Beautiful? What will heal the world, and dammit Daisy, sometimes you need healing too! Be selfish and look out for yourself too, lady. You have to come back strong like the bad bitch you were destined to be.

Thank you, you who stand by me and support me and come to my rescue. I love you all. You especially. You did not have to do that. Not any of it. But you did. You are good to me. You are good.

Everyone else, I love you, too. If you are reading this, I love you. You are welcome to my home, to my sofa, to my hugs, to my friendship. I will lend you my ear, my advice, my care. If it is parental advice you seek, I cannot help you, but you can borrow my parents. Many do. I do not mind sharing. You can also come over and let my critters love on you. They are the friendliest little loves. They will make you smile, I promise.

It is not for me to understand why you self-harm or consider suicide an option. You do not owe it to me to help me understand. What I owe you is assuring you that you do not need to be ashamed. Your way of coping differs from mine, and that’s that. It is okay to talk about it, to seek help. Your battle is unique, but you do not have to go through it alone. I know that you can’t just get over it or forget about it and move on. Anyone who expects that of you is clueless.

I love you, okay? Take care and be kind.

Especially to yourself. ❤

I’ve got spirit, how bout you?!

Thank you for all the love on my last post. It is definitely nice to know that messages of health and compassion towards animals are well received. This world is not so bad after all.

Folks, true to my nature, I am beyond myself with happiness as of lately (save for a rough day recently that was immediately followed by a spectacular one!). This happens every year. Spring awakens me, I am inspired, I am aroused, I am motivated. The longer days, the extra doses of sunshine, and the added warmth all play to my favor. This is the time of year that I am my busiest, most productive, and most social self.

Already, every weekend through June is spoken for (the only exception being Memorial Day Weekend, but maybe I can escape to Mexico because my soul is longing for a swim in my river). Volunteering, activism, concerts, festivals, parties, celebrations, 5Ks. Oy. I am not complaining. I love it.

The trouble is this, however: it never lasts.

Year after year, the happiness dissipates. It ceases to be effortless. I have to work to make it happen. Why?

Early last year – if you read back then and remember – I was very much focused on self-actualization and becoming my best self. I went on to learn to take control and remove what was stressful and negative from my life, because only by doing so would the universe receive me as I am meant to be. Only then could I fully contribute and heal the world in my own way.

In July, I ended my six-year-long relationship, thinking that it would allow me to re-center and grow, even bloom! It did not, mostly due to the fact that I continued to live with him until just four weeks ago. He held me back, but I allowed him to. It was my own doing, I enabled him. I am not here to speak ill of him. This may disappoint you, but I refuse. I do it at times, jokingly, and immediately regret it. I cannot emphasize it enough: he is a great man, intelligent, interesting, funny, sweet, romantic, creative, handsome, and I do not know how he put up with me for so long. What I do know is that somewhere along the way, the harmony between us went missing. Whose “fault” was that?

Avoiding the tangent.

Now that I have my own space, now that we are no longer roommates, now that we are friends, I am jumping back on my path. This time, I plan to stay on it on the permanent. For good. For evah evah.

Because the universe is abundant and cares for me, I was gifted with a Wellness Expo being held at the town conference center this weekend, only a couple blocks from my apartment. There were vendors selling energized crystals, psychics providing intuitive readings, life coaches, yoga instructors, the juicing crowd, the aromatherapy lot, manifestation masters, you name it! Everything up my spiritual alley!

I was initially planning to attend Saturday only, thinking that I would spend today with family. My parents ended up making their own escape to Mexico this weekend, though – those lucky punks – so I made sure to score a ticket for today as well.

I am so glad I did. There was much to learn, essential knowledge to absorb! Gosh, let me get my notebook out… I attended the following lectures:

  • Chakra Health and Lymph Drainage Oh, the importance of that second chakra… I went back to the exhibition hall to purchase crystals to help balance it! Also, managing the energy we intake from food. Go vegan, y’all. For real!
  • We are Channels Every Day! Being in the flow, allowing ourselves to be spiritual and experience what life has to share with us. Listening to our guides and signs. Opening the heart chakra to connect with others, especially those we think we dislike or those whom we lost our connection to.
  • Spirit Speaks We are spiritual beings having human experiences. Our spine is our antenna, transmitting and receiving information, powered by our brain, heart, and spirit. We can use this every day to improve our lives. We live in a world of infinite opportunity to create abundance.
  • Practice Happiness and Vibrate Higher Creator vs Victim Mentality, Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset, Neuroplasticity, Positive Psychology (connecting, meditation, gratitude, compassion, focus, setting intention)
  • Power Language: You are What you Think and Say Our thoughts are magnetic. We are not victims, we are co-creators. We can visualize for others, hold a space for them. Everything you have or don’t have is a result of what you thought. Get the universe to shift!

    Amazing stuff, huh?!

    After the last lecture today, I ventured to the exhibition hall one final time because my gut had been telling me all weekend that I needed more amethyst. I went to a booth I had passed earlier because they had chunks of it reasonably priced. Obsidian, green aventurine, and moonstone also caught my eye. I picked my stones carefully and lovingly. Apparently, the vendor took note of this and as I was inspecting, he chose a decorative om (with a $25 price tag) for me to take home free a charge. He felt my energy and knew I would appreciate it, he said. I did. I absolutely did.

    What an experience!

    And what beautiful beginnings! This time, I will stay on this journey. It will be grand and the world will be better because of it. I am going to be the change.

    Message me if you would like more information on the speakers and presenters from this weekend. Also, follow me on Pinterest as I gather more ascension, meditation, crystal healing, chakra balancing, and yoga resources.

    Blessings!

    The scene is set.

    I have WiFi!

    Ah, it’s the little things.

    Welp, I have moved, friends. I have been here since last Saturday and I am completely in love with my new place and my neighborhood! My place is small – only 500 square feet, but absolutely perfectly sized for the minimalist life I want to lead. I do have a balcony, which is a total bonus, not all units have one. It happens to overlook one of the parks in the area, and one of the busier streets. People watching has already proven entertaining, I must say.

    If you turn around the corner of the hallway outside my front door, you quickly find an elevator that I will gladly use to take my bike downstairs, and my tired ass upstairs after rides and runs. Further down, there is a trash chute that saves me from making trips outside to a dumpster. I can also take the elevator down to the recycling bins that are located in the parking garage. This place is dope!

    If you turn left of my door and pass one more unit, you will arrive at the stairs that take you straight down to a swimming pool and game room. Oh, please hurry, summertime! Please come over, friends! Other buildings belonging to the same apartment community also house swimming pools, some larger than “mine”. I believe there are four total! The next building over from me houses the fitness center and others have beautifully landscaped courtyards… And I have access to it all!

    Then, of course, there’s the sports bar, the pubs, the pizza parlor, the taco bar, the sushi place, the Italian restaurant, the coffee shop, the bakery, the wine bistro. There is also a convenient convenience store that I will definitely be visiting as necessary because sometimes a girl just needs a Gatorade and Oreos. There are the parks that I have already mentioned – back to running soon! Man, it’s gonna be hard for me to ever want to leave this hood to hang elsewhere. Sorry, friends!

    I admit that I have not been out thus far, though. Unpacking, organizing, breaking down cardboard boxes, cleaning out the old place, etc., has taken up the entirety of my spare time and most energy. Once I am completely moved out of my previous apartment and completely settled in here, I will return to my natural state, that of a social butterfly.

    Hoolie wants to come over on nights she is off work.

    Lasa is in need of swimming pool time, she tells me.

    MexiBestie is always up for brunch and dranks.

    I am hoping Slow J, Rindsey, Cent, and The Cousins can make it out here too, their weekend work schedules be damned!

    I have also already met several neighbors, thanks largely to my pup who may actually be more social than I am, the big stinker. Hangs with them will likely happen simply because I will run into them anyway. Haha Some of them do yoga and other workouts at the big park. They just make up routines as they go! Count me in, y’all.

    Oh! Back to Resisting as well. My desk and work-space are nicely set up for me to do my thang. I am so proud of how well and neatly I have organized my books, notebooks, pens, markers, poster boards, and binders. I have my signed photo of Jane Goodall framed and sitting on a corner of my desk. I may very well print a photo of Bernie Sanders and add it, too. My heroes, my inspirations, still fighting the fights.

    Gosh, I am so happy. It is amazing what a change of scene can do for the soul.

    Have a wonderful weekend! Happy Spring!

    Another day to celebrate Mom!

    I wish people would say things to my face instead of running their mouths behind my back. Toughen up and be real. Intimidated much? Then do not say anything in the first place, and certainly DO NOT act as though you want to be my friend otherwise. That is unbecoming of people our age. C’mon now.

    Mama taught me early on to stay away from the likes of you. Gente podrida. No te llegan a los talones y no valen la pena.

    Mother knows best. She is the reason I am writing again tonight.

    I wanted to write yesterday, but the weather won me over. It was a gorgeous day – clear, sunny, and warm, with skies such a sweet blue, I understand why Bryce Avary croons as he does. I spent the majority of the day indoors, unfortunately. From the moment I stepped into my work at 7:15 am until the moment I stepped out at 5:15 pm – not a single second was spent outdoors. It was too hectic, but such is the field of medicine. It is what we signed up for.

    When I was able to leave, I went straight home. I changed out of my filthy scrubs, grabbed my pup’s leash, and headed right back out the door with him. I took him out on a mini-hike along the creek and wooded area that lie between our apartments and the animal shelter. Wooden crates strategically placed in the shallowest parts of the creek serve as crossing stones for us adventurous city dwellers. I learned that Pup is not apprehensive about being in water (yay!) and that having him fully vaccinated was definitely in our best interest (since he decided to have himself a drink). We splashed a bit, he sat and allowed me to take photos, I was able to soak up some rays, and all felt well.

    We were out for at least an hour, until we started losing the sun. I repeat, I emphasize: I am thrilled that Daylight Saving Time is upon us! More light! More adventure! Happiness!!!

    Back home afterwards: dinner, packing, shower, bed. No time for writing about…

    INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!

    Hence me wanting to write about Mom. The woman who has empowered me since I can remember.

    The woman who bragged about her first-grader who learned to read and write in both Spanish and English. The woman who set me up to be a brainiac by enlisting me in my schools’ math and science teams. She displayed my trophies (and those of my brother) all in the living room, and dusted them carefully as needed. She saved all the certificates and awards we ever received. Where are our high school diplomas and college degrees? Her house, of course, because in a sense, she earned them. They belong to her, too.

    When I was a teenager, she would go on and on about how unique and creative I was because I would piece together one-of-a-kind outfits from thrift store finds. Did she annoy people when she talked about how I could pull off any outfit and how I wore clothes well, like a model? When people complimented my hairstyle back in my college years, she enjoyed telling them that I saved money by cutting it myself. If I ever post a photo of myself on Facebook, Mom always comments that I am gorgeous, even if I am purposely making an awful face in the photo, a habit I picked up from Dad.

    Years ago, I let her know that I will never have children because I don’t want to. She responded by praising me for knowing myself well enough to recognize that motherhood is not for me. She commended me for not bringing a child into the world if I am not going to be 100% devoted to my role as a parent. She said there were already many children who looked up to me and loved me, kids to influence, and there would be more (she was right). She instructed me to live my life and be happy.

    When I came out as an atheist, she quickly claimed that I am a better person than most people who call themselves Christian. She encouraged me to be myself and to continue on helping others, especially the little critters I love so much.

    I informed her I was going vegan… she had seen it coming and took it as a challenge to learn new recipes and modify her dishes she already knew I loved. She researched what to be wary of, found replacements for common ingredients, and obviously bragged about my willpower to stick to such a limited diet. She even started shopping at Whole Foods. My sweet little frugal Mexican mom!

    To this day, although I have done it for over a decade, she loves telling folks that I save animals for a living and do much more for them outside of work. She tells that it shows I have a huge heart. She says that with immense pride, I can tell.

    She loves that I am passionate about social justice and civil rights. She reminds me of this often. She asks me who she should vote for and why… adorbs!  She admires my sense of adventure, my youthful spirit, and my unrelenting humor, all traits she acknowledges I inherited from Dad and not herself. She is happy I have them regardless.

    I did pick up plenty from her, mind you. My compassion and empathy, my want to help others: gifts from Mom. I still do not feel that I am as selfless as she is, and doubt that I ever will be. My goodness, that woman does not know how to say no to pleas for help, even when she should! I continue to strive to be as nurturing as she is, and to be as great a friend. People love my mom. She is adored and respected.

    I admit I am stubborn like she is. Perhaps I should not be proud of this, but I get it from my mama so fuck it! Oh, my potty mouth. Yup. Got that from her as well.

    ¡Daisy, cabrona!

    In short, she is the woman I admired first and she is the woman I admire most. I grew up with a wonderful role model right in my home! Now, here I am about to take on a new phase in life, and I am undaunted. How could I be with her in my corner, her hugs and words of encouragement readily available to me? Her protective nature ready to strike if need be?

    Do not mess with us chingonas. ❤

    Happy belated Women’s Day, ladies. Much, much love.