Write on

I thought I might just write a letter / anything to stay away / from books and lessons today
Besides it’s part of my induction / into the literate world / I am a literate girl
I string the words together softly / I lay my love upon you with each line
A gift of improvising / removes me from revising
I made a daisy chain from / phrase, verse, and punctuation

Here recently, nothing has encouraged me to write more than those lyrics – from a song… from a movie. Musician, Please Take Heed from God Help the Girl. The movie as a whole entertained me thoroughly, but this particular song’s tune intrigued me. Catching the word daisy in there led me to pay closer attention to this specific verse and look the lyrics up. And there you have it – poetic motivation.

The truth is, I have a number of things to write about, to express, to share, to vent about. I wish I could simply free-write, just let my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and stories surface with little desire to break from mundane, ordinary prose. Maybe I should do that every now and then. Maybe I should stop overthinking. Maybe, as stated in the song above, I should improvise and remove myself from revising. We’ll see.

Writing is so personal. A solitary task. Only while working on class assignments have I ever had to write with a group – what a tiring and unpleasant task that can be. I enjoy being solo, working and doing things on my own. Again and again, the inclination to be alone overwhelms me and alters my mood. It can have an effect on my attitude towards my BF since, as a result of us living together, he is the one person who constantly disrupts my solitude. The man cannot be blamed, of course, for returning to what is also his home, but a negative mood towards him always results and he notices. It’s unfair. I need to not be so bitchy. Get it together!

There is something about needing to reflect, though, and needing to be introspective, about the way things are and who I am and where I am going. I have to assess all matters, set or renew goals, evaluate my priorities, and sometimes… just… dream.

In writing this, I am realizing that I have always been this way. As a child, when I could better express myself through visuals because my vocabulary was obviously not as extensive as it is now, that’s what I would do – draw. I would search the house for blank sheets of paper, search equally as hard for a nice pen (it had to be a pen, not the pencils or crayons that I had easy access to since they were school supplies), hide in a solitary spot, make as little noise as possible so as to go unnoticed, and draw. Excitement ruled when ideas of what to draw came to me. Anxiety and frustration would strike me when I could not find the necessary materials. Fear would grip me if my Mom caught me. Those expressions were personal, not to be shared. They were all mine. Page after page of doodles, storybooks, scenes, designs, and all else that my puerile, yet unadulterated, imagination could spawn. It was fantastic.

I do not know why I stopped. If any moment in my life can definitively mark the end of my childhood, that would be it. The moment I decided to stop drawing.

In 1999, when I was fifteen years old, a (former) family friend gave me a Spice Girls (HA!) diary for Christmas. Suddenly, I was once more expressing myself, this time through written word. Granted, my earliest entries were, in one word, ridiculous. Paragraphs about a cute boy I noticed at school, how stupid I thought the latest hit song was, the high that I got from shopping, etc. I enjoyed it, though, and ended up filling book after book after book. I eventually started blogging in 2004, all while continuing to keep physical diaries. That is how my writing evolved. Now I had an audience. People actually read my musings.  I had to pay better attention to how I expressed my ideas, thoughts, opinions. Friends and strangers alike were interested in little old me? Why? But okay.

I have been hooked since. I cannot stop. I need this.

I feel that in writing, I will figure things out. The introspection and reflection will do me good. I have had spouts of confusion and doubt as of lately. The uneasiness that results is less than pleasant. Meh. It’s fine. Just write about it. Let others read about it. Don’t hold back. This will help. It has in the past, there is no reason why it shouldn’t now. This will be a move in a positive direction.

So stay tuned, friends.

I have a lot to say and tell.

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Sing a song

Write about the three most important songs in your life — what do they mean to you?

Number One: Ron con Coca-Cola by Mister Chivo

The first song in my memory, the first song I remember singing. My mind associates this song, and Mr. Chivo in general, to road trips, Mexico, and my parents. If my memory reaches back to when I was four years old, then my Mom was twenty-eight while my Dad was thirty at the time that I learned this song. They were pretty much the age that I am now. This is the music they were listening to at my age, what they played in the car, what they danced to, what they allowed my brother and me to listen to. While it may not be a lyrical or musical masterpiece, this song is damn special.

Number Two: December Days by The Rocket Summer

It’s my go-to song, and has been for the past twelve years. I can be in the absolute worst mood, but can instantly feel better with this song. I don’t even have to listen to it… As long as I sing it out loud and dance to it, all is well. Get you back into my life, gotta get you get you back into myyyy liiiiiiife!

Number Three: Can’t Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon

This is the first song that Dustin told me made him think of me. He told me that he would listen to it on repeat in his car while driving away from dropping me off at my house after each hangout session. He told me that he didn’t know how to feel about falling for me? Something along those lines. That was five years ago and I don’t remember the details, but I do remember it all being very sweet and me feeling all sorts of butterflies.

That’s it. Those are my songs. They may not be epic, but they’re it for me.

Prompt: Free write for twenty minutes

I want to blog more often. I really do enjoy it. I have been blogging for nearly ten years. My oldest posts are no longer online and exist only as a zip file on this computer. I saw a blogger I follow post about a daily writing challenge. Today’s challenge was simple: Just write for twenty minutes. Do not stop. Keep writing. Then, be bold enough to publish it. So that’s what I’m doing. I will not edit this or pretty it up when I am done. I will simply post it.

Right now, I’m lounging on my couch while the tv is playing the Monday Night Football game. I am excited about life, although you wouldn’t be able to tell from my body language. When I say that I am “lounging” what I really mean is “slouching”. I’m just tired. I am excited, though.

Tonight, I was able to share some good news with the four people who matter most to me: Mom, Dad, Dustin, and Cent. I didn’t think about who I wanted to share my news with. I just grabbed my phone and those were the four people I felt like telling and after I had, I was content. I didn’t feel the need to tell anybody else. It is very clear who the most important people in my life are. I am so fortunate to have them all.

Dustin is currently playing on his computer and tablet. He’s driving me to work bright and early tomorrow morning so I bought him some coffee pods for his Verismo. I know nothing about coffee since I don’t drink it, but I did well when choosing that thing as a Christmas gift for him last year. He hasn’t used it much in months, though, because he hates drinking coffee when the weather is warm. He’ll be drinking more coffee in the coming weeks, I’m sure.

Can you believe the weather this weekend? I was actually cold! I know that’s not saying much because I’m always cold, but come on! Going from 100 degrees to below 60 is pretty crazy. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I shivered when I walked Canelo on Saturday morning! I’m excited about my runs not being so miserable, though.

Ugh. The Eagles just scored. I promise I haven’t stopped writing as the game continues. I can just hear the play-by-play.I’m a Cowboys fan so naturally, I am not an Eagles fan. I hope the Colts can get their act together and pull away with the win here.

Oh! I am looking forward to this Saturday! My Aggies are playing here in Dallas against SMU and I am going to the game with my cousin, Ellie! I cannot wait… It will be my first football game this season. I hope the weather is nice. I really haven’t paid attention to what it will be like the remainder of this week. It did get warm again today.

How have I only been writing for ten minutes?!

Hmmm… what else?

I wish the weather would get cooler instead of just plain cold. I look forward to walking everywhere again. I really want to just get out and about to take photographs. I’m out of practice. My camera is so amazing, but I haven’t been using it nearly enough. I’ve used it at work here and there, but other than that? Nothing. I think I’ll take it out to Downtown Carrollton and then out to Downtown Dallas. I have some exploring to do. I love exploring!

This time of the year just fills me with energy! September and October just seem to fly by, though! We’re already halfway through this month! How is that even possible? The sad thing is that once October is over, I just feel that there is little to look forward to. I’m not one of those people who gets into the holiday spirit much. I’ll try to this year, but it’s just not me. I’m not a Scrooge or a Grinch, mind you. I just don’t care for the hoopla. I definitely don’t care for the cold weather!

Anyhow, I still have half of September and all of October to look forward to and really, my weekends are already pretty full. There are some weekends where I’ll have to choose some things over others. For example: Oktoberfest or football? Comic Con or Veggie Fair? Oh! And hockey hockey hockey will be back in less than four weeks! Same thing goes for The Walking Dead! Oh, I can hardly take it!

I am going to try my best to soak it all in and enjoy it before the arrival of winter. Darn you, winter. you’re already ruining my thoughts and summer isn’t even officially over yet!

My twenty minutes are up!