Get my phototherapy lamp out.

Here it is, assholes. Fall has arrived.

It is cold, gloomy, and rainy outside, which I’m sure all you bums who love to dwell indoors are thrilled about. Me? Not so much. I feel trapped and I hate it. I got paid yesterday, however, and promptly ordered waterproof outdoor gear to accommodate this shit-weather and my need to be outside doing something. Hiking boots, a nice windbreaker, and some gnarly waterproof pants will be on their way to me soon. I also ordered a raincoat for my pup, Bruiser.

You know what I get tired of hearing? I thought about this as I was ordering the aforementioned garments. Whenever weather and seasons are being discussed, I enthusiastically rave about how much I love warm weather, sunshine, and summer. I am so sick of hearing this response:

“But when it’s cold, you can always add more clothes.”

Okay, going bitch-mode now.

The people who say that to me are the same people who fucking wear jeans all throughout summer. And closed-toe shoes, and undershirts, and dark clothing. It works both ways, geniuses! Take some layers off, dress for the season. Get some fucking confidence and show some skin!

Adding more clothes?! No, why would I want to do that? I want to take in the sun, I love me some vitamin D, my skin wants to breathe. Piling on the layers feels bulky, it makes me feel overweight, I cannot move as freely, and it adds to the amount of laundry I must do. What’s so great about any of that?!

For those who live in Texas and look forward to the fall… Um, how long have you lived here? You must know by now that we don’t get those idealistic, picturesque autumns seen in postcards and such. Be mindful of the weather this season. Pay actual attention. Keep track of how many nice days we truly get. I mean sunny skies, golden hues in the trees, cool, but comfortable temperatures. Get back to me on that, mmmkay?

But if you like this doom and gloom weather, I don’t know. We must have very different personalities.

I suppose I’ll make some jewelry and do some remote volunteer work today. It would be better if I was doing it outside.

Blah.

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Caught in a blackout.

I was in my comfort zone
I was singing selfish songs
I’ve been taking for granted everyone understood how easy trouble comes
But it’s not enough anymore
We can’t just turn around and close the door on the world
It’s asking uneasy questions
We should be asking ourselves uneasy questions

Frank Turner released a new album, Be More Kind, a couple months ago. Of course, I anticipated its release with much excitement – not only is he my favorite musician, but the album was recorded here in DFW and I had already listened to him play some of it during an acoustic show last summer. After listening to the album in its entirety a few times, it became clear that my favorite song on its track list is Blackout. The lyrics above are from that track’s third and final verse.

When I recently went through my depressive season, I often referred to that phase as “the darkness”. In Blackout, Frank sings and admits to being afraid of a darkness, which I am certain is metaphorical for him as well. But the song is an optimistic one, one in which he offers to help others find the light, yet reminds them to bring a candle as well. Help one another because we can’t do it alone. Ask for help, but remember to put some of your own effort in also. I didn’t get through the blackout on my own, and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to do so either. It can be done, however! Just look at me.

As for that third verse – man! The album as a whole is very much Frank’s commentary on the sociopolitical state we live in, particularly following the election of Donald Trump. There is even a track entitled Make America Great Again… “By making racists ashamed again – let’s make compassion in fashion again”. In previous albums, he writes about his dreams, relationships, his friends, his travels, how much music means to him, mental health, and so forth. “Selfish songs” as he calls them. He was in his comfort zone.

I was, too.

It’s time to get out, though, and get uneasy. He knows it, I know it, do you?

Y’all – being an activist is not always easy work. It can be exhausting and draining. It has become quite time consuming [things did not work out with either of the men I have dated this year because of time and timing, actually] and all other plans revolve around it. But I can’t stop. There is too much at stake.

As uncomfortable as it may be, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

We can’t sit around and hope for the best. We can’t expect others to do the work for us. We have to be the change. No more being selfish. If we can afford the time to go all grassroots, then we owe it to this world to do the damn thing!

Awesome and enthusiastic volunteers!

I did the damn thing last weekend.

I led my first canvassing event! Twelve wonderful volunteers showed up to join me in the neighborhood I grew up in, at the park at the end of my parents’ street, across from the high school I graduated from. The place that will always be home to me.

After starting off with a brief training session and pep talk, we all separated to spread out through the neighborhood. We went from block to block, knocking on doors to speak to neighbors about Beto O’Rourke. We explained why we canvassed for him, had some people commit to vote, and even signed folks up to volunteer in the future!

After a couple hours, most of us met up back at the park and discussed our experiences. It went so well! The majority were first-time volunteers, and the experience was such a positive one, that they want to do it again! They even asked me to host another event! So bad ass.

Yes, it was hot. Yes, we could’ve been sleeping in or relaxing or partaking in summer fun. Yes, there is still a lot of time left until Election Day.

None of that matters. Think about all that has happened since Trump was elected. Think about how it affects you, your loved ones, and the disenfranchised. Get angry, and know that you can do something about it. You are powerful. We are powerful. There is power in numbers.

So, I implore you: Please join me and others. It’s a crucial time we are living in.

Bring a burning candle with you.


I leave you with the fantastic music video for Blackout. Enjoy.

It’s July. I’m thinking of November.

I have to keep reminding myself not to abandon this blog. Ever notice how many people just stop blogging? They haven’t posted in a year or so? It makes me sad. I can’t quite explain why, but it does. Maybe it’s because I can’t keep up with them as well as I did when they wrote more frequently, maybe an undesirable reader or readers found their blog, or maybe I fear that they lost something – the creativity, the inspiration, the time to write.

None of those things have happened to me. I will carry on.

My ex knows of this blog and sometimes gave me a hard time about some of the content he read on here. That didn’t stop me from continuing. If he is reading this now, I would tell him to stop. I have no intention of ever writing of his awful behavior here. It is simply not worth the time nor effort.

Some of my friends know of this blog too. I do not know if they ever read it, though, since most of what I write I tell them about anyway, you know? It may be redundant for them to read about it too. Unless they are bored or something.

Anyhow…

A couple posts ago, I mentioned how the girl I was ten years ago would be proud of the person I am now. I thought about this over the weekend.

I was at a march and rally to end the separation of families via detention or deportation, and I was dressed as a handmaid – as in The Handmaid’s Tale. You would have thought that I was Elisabeth Moss herself. People were lining up to take photos of me and with me. Parents were telling their kids, “Stand next to her, I am going to take your picture with her!” It was bizarre, but I truly loved every second of it. I enjoyed it, it was fun.

I turned to my friend Sarah who was with me, after having my photo taken at least twenty times in a matter of minutes, and said to her, “Well. It’s a good thing I’m an extrovert!”

Here’s the thing, though: I was never an extrovert growing up, nor in early adulthood. I got anxious about meeting new people and trying to figure out what to say to them. I kept to myself, I silently formed thoughts, quietly judged people and situations, and then wrote about it. Writing was the easiest way for a shy gal like myself to express it all.

There is no way in hell I would have dressed up for a rally back then! I would not have wanted to stand out in any way, and all the photo requests would have intimidated me. I likely would have had the most awkward, nervous, forced smile in all photos. I certainly would not have been very chatty.

Now? Oh, man. I ate it up. I hugged people, I thanked them, I talked to them about the reason we were all there and how important it is for us to remain active and to stay woke, I posed and posed and posed. I smiled and smiled and smiled. It all felt so natural to me, as though I was doing what I was meant to be doing. I was exactly where I needed to be. It felt right.

Do you ever get that feeling? Do you ever have those moments of revelation?

And what am I getting at with all this?

I don’t know.

I suppose I am realizing how much I love inspiring others, I love making others smile, I love being a voice and a leader. I myself am inspired now and all I want is to keep going, keep doing this.

The good news is that in less than two weeks, I will be hosting and leading my own canvassing event. Volunteers will sign up via Beto O’Rourke’s website to block walk with me. I checked today and there are already six people signed up! I will have to train them to canvass and lead the way as we knock on doors to tell people about Beto and ask them to vote for him in November. I then have to take all the data we collect and send it back to the campaign for them to continue on in preparation for Election Day. I am excited to do this, I have never felt this enthused by a candidate, and truly feel that ALL of America needs this man in the Senate.

How patriotic of me, huh?

It is good to be an extrovert.

I wish you all a safe and happy Fourth of July! Keep your critters safe this holiday week. I will update again soon! 🙂

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Photo of me dressed as a handmaid. I found this on Facebook.