Time to bloom.

It has been over a decade since I decided that life is too short to have kids. Now I’m starting to think that life may also be too short to train for marathons all the damn time.

I am well.

I am kicking my mental illness’s butt. I have been for the past two months. Looking back, I think the major turning point was Valentine’s Day, actually, a day I thought I would dread.

I met a woman about my age who was absolutely broken that night. She was distraught, crying, overwhelmed, and afraid. I saw so much of my former self in her and it hit me how far I had already come at that point. The contrast between us was eye-opening… I was comforting her! I was feeling well enough already to be supportive of someone else!

I realized that if I could improve by that amount in that short span of time, I could just keep doing so and be much better sooner rather than later.

And here I am.

I am enjoying life, enjoying my friendships, enjoying being myself. I AM MYSELF AGAIN! I am certainly enjoying the spring season, the warmer days, the sunnier skies, the greener trees.

I am happy again.

I have cut toxic people out of my life, I am not going out of my way to be nice to people who don’t deserve my energy, I am excluding those who I don’t necessarily want present in all the fun things that I do. What a difference! So this is growing up?

I am down to just one medication and looking forward to starting to wean myself off it in just two months, right around the official beginning of summer, my favorite season.

I am only seeing my therapist once a month now. I saw her once in March, once this month, and have a scheduled session early in May. After this next one? I don’t know. Stretch it out to six weeks? I cannot even believe I am thinking about it. When all this started, I was seeing her twice a week and would have gone even more frequently if time (both our schedules) allowed it! When I couldn’t see her, I would text her. Gosh, she’s been amazing. I am so lucky she was the first therapist I reached out to and was immediately a perfect match for me.

Anyhow, thank you so much for reading. Keep your heads up. I appreciate your support.


Let me see if you can run it, run it

It is now June 15th. Almost June 16th. And I still feel that this year is escaping without me having anything to show for it. I am still not a better calligrapher, I have not honed my photography skills, my French is still where it was when the year started, and I am feeling very unaccomplished because of it all. My friends tell me (remind me) that I did get a new job this year and that in itself would be a huge deal for most. I don’t know. I guess I kinda expected to do well at it, which I feel that I have, so it simply does not feel like that big of a deal.

No matter. Because I am doing big things with the latter half of this year, the biggest of said things being running a full marathon. Yiiiiikes. I am holding myself accountable this time. I have talked and talked and talked about running a full since completing my first half almost two years ago. But I never registered for one, and dammit, I did not train properly – mostly due to poor time management. This time, though… This time is different.

First off, I am running as part of a team and for a cause. Although it is unlikely that I will actually train with my teammates, we are all running (or in some cases cycling, lifting, etc) to raise money for The Humane LeagueOF COURSE I am doing this for animals. Nothing motivates me more in this world than helping out other species… Running for the animals! How awesome is that?!

Other motivating factors (i.e. reasons I cannot and will not back out):

  • I have announced my plans just about everywhere! To my friends and family and coworkers, on social media (hi, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!), and… here.
  • I already registered. Over 100 bucks later, I am registered.
  • As mentioned above, I need to accomplish something this calendar year!

So! That’s that! December 13th is the big day – five days before the release of The Force Awakens! What a dually awesome week that will be! I have something to look forward to pretty much all year – what a wonderful way to live, huh?

Oh – I am struggling to write because the boyfriend keeps distracting me. This is why I should either wake up early and write while he is sleeping OR write during the day on Mondays while he is at work. This right now is not doing it for me. More on other plans for the year later.

With that, I will peace out.

Oh knee, oh my

I will be seeing an orthopedics physician on Thursday, one that specializes in knees. I need help and I need it badly. I ended up going back to my primary care doctor who told me that I have been doing way too much. He could tell by my bruising, the fact that it was going down my leg and not staying localized in my knee area. He ordered me to stay off my feet.

Come again?

That’s right. I am not allowed to walk except when it is ABSOLUTELY necessary and even then, I MUST use my crutches. What a bother! I feel so inadequate. I hate not being able to help my crew at work. Friday, there were so many little things that I wanted to get up and do. Simple things, easy things, seemingly insignificant things that in reality, amounted to lost time if not done immediately. I couldn’t do them, though. Major suckage.

Beyond that, I hate that I am not able to walk my beloved dog. I hate that I can’t run. No running! And no volunteering. No putting on comfortable shoes and seeing where my walking and DART pass might take me. All the things that make me happy, just taken away from me. Frustration station.

This weekend, I’ve watched a lot of football and cleaned up a lot of my social media sites, including this blog. I am still optimistic that my knee will heal sooner rather than later (although it has already been TWO WEEKS) and that I will be back to my normal, happy life in no time. Meanwhile, I plan to continue blogging, I am trying to take calligraphy up, and I need to study more French. I also need to find modified workouts that I can do without involving my knees. I just cannot let my days waste away. That is the absolute worse.

Trying to stay positive!

Edit: You know you’ve watched a lot of soccer when you’re American and you accidentally called it “football” instead of soccer. Oy.