Nobody likes you when you’re 33.

It is the eve of my 33rd birthday.

I am not sure what 33 is supposed to feel like, but my bet is that I feel younger, both mentally and physically, than most people my age do. That is not to say that I am immature, mind you. What I mean is that I am not anxious about aging, about being an adult, about (not) reaching certain milestones. I am not stressed, I am not pressured, I am not trying to impress anyone.

Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes and what is right for me, what fulfills me, may not be nearly enough for others.

Am I a homeowner? No. Am I financially wealthy? No. Am I married? No. Do I have children? No! A resound No! now and forever.

Am I happy?

Yes! Yes, I am!

I love life. I love my life. I would not trade my life for anyone else’s, and I imagine that others would want to trade for mine. I enjoy life, I am motivated by its challenges, I gladly indulge in all great things that it offers me, I marvel at how twisted it can be some days and how simple it can be others. I wake up eager to live each day (thankfully, I have a fulfilling job and coworkers that double as friends). Even when shit hits the fan, which it has a couple times in the last few weeks, I quickly realize that it is not the end of the world, I am just gonna be over here… doing my thing… keeping on… and that is that.

With the years I now have under my belt, I finally mastered the art of bouncing back, of not letting negativity nor doubt get the best of me. Eventually, I hope to be at a point where negativity and doubt do not enter my being in the first place. There is work to be done in that regard. I am also still learning to correct my mistakes and make up for poor choices. I do feel that is going well, though.

I also have to admit that in life, it helps to have this HUGE group of people who love and care about me, that has my back always. And you know what one of the best parts about being me is? I somehow manage to keep meeting people and getting them to join that group! My squad is so legit. Get yourself a bitchin’ squad, folks.

Physically? Man, what are people doing? Why do people about my age hurt so much? Back pains, migraines, knee pain, exhaustion, high susceptibility to catch bugs that go around. What gives? I bet they are not eating right. I bet they do not exercise adequately. Maybe they do not get enough sleep. Whatever it is, I am not experiencing it just yet. I keep waiting for these so-called “changes” to happen, for things to start going “downhill” as they are supposed to when one enters this decade, but so far so good. Hell, I am even training to run another half-marathon at the moment. At my birthday celebration Friday night – holy crap, so fun! – I outdanced everyone. I could not, would not stop! I left with energy still to burn. That is how I do.

So yeah, I am feeling good. I love birthdays, including mine. It would be too cliche to say that I am excited about what the next year holds for me, especially when I am excited all the time. The upcoming weeks alone offer me much to look forward to. We shall see what the rest of the year holds.

Happy birthday, happy every day, to me.

The scene is set.

I have WiFi!

Ah, it’s the little things.

Welp, I have moved, friends. I have been here since last Saturday and I am completely in love with my new place and my neighborhood! My place is small – only 500 square feet, but absolutely perfectly sized for the minimalist life I want to lead. I do have a balcony, which is a total bonus, not all units have one. It happens to overlook one of the parks in the area, and one of the busier streets. People watching has already proven entertaining, I must say.

If you turn around the corner of the hallway outside my front door, you quickly find an elevator that I will gladly use to take my bike downstairs, and my tired ass upstairs after rides and runs. Further down, there is a trash chute that saves me from making trips outside to a dumpster. I can also take the elevator down to the recycling bins that are located in the parking garage. This place is dope!

If you turn left of my door and pass one more unit, you will arrive at the stairs that take you straight down to a swimming pool and game room. Oh, please hurry, summertime! Please come over, friends! Other buildings belonging to the same apartment community also house swimming pools, some larger than “mine”. I believe there are four total! The next building over from me houses the fitness center and others have beautifully landscaped courtyards… And I have access to it all!

Then, of course, there’s the sports bar, the pubs, the pizza parlor, the taco bar, the sushi place, the Italian restaurant, the coffee shop, the bakery, the wine bistro. There is also a convenient convenience store that I will definitely be visiting as necessary because sometimes a girl just needs a Gatorade and Oreos. There are the parks that I have already mentioned – back to running soon! Man, it’s gonna be hard for me to ever want to leave this hood to hang elsewhere. Sorry, friends!

I admit that I have not been out thus far, though. Unpacking, organizing, breaking down cardboard boxes, cleaning out the old place, etc., has taken up the entirety of my spare time and most energy. Once I am completely moved out of my previous apartment and completely settled in here, I will return to my natural state, that of a social butterfly.

Hoolie wants to come over on nights she is off work.

Lasa is in need of swimming pool time, she tells me.

MexiBestie is always up for brunch and dranks.

I am hoping Slow J, Rindsey, Cent, and The Cousins can make it out here too, their weekend work schedules be damned!

I have also already met several neighbors, thanks largely to my pup who may actually be more social than I am, the big stinker. Hangs with them will likely happen simply because I will run into them anyway. Haha Some of them do yoga and other workouts at the big park. They just make up routines as they go! Count me in, y’all.

Oh! Back to Resisting as well. My desk and work-space are nicely set up for me to do my thang. I am so proud of how well and neatly I have organized my books, notebooks, pens, markers, poster boards, and binders. I have my signed photo of Jane Goodall framed and sitting on a corner of my desk. I may very well print a photo of Bernie Sanders and add it, too. My heroes, my inspirations, still fighting the fights.

Gosh, I am so happy. It is amazing what a change of scene can do for the soul.

Have a wonderful weekend! Happy Spring!

Here comes the sun.

The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, it has been everything I have needed to keep a clear mind and a peaceful existence. I have been dressing for warmth, wearing less layers, feeling less weighed down. Give me this always, Universe!!!

Look, there is something about my legs.

When it is below freezing outside, you will find me completing my runs, however long they may be – 3 miles, 10 miles, whatever – in running shorts with my legs entirely exposed. I feel so confined in pants. I have been told that I just haven’t found the right pair, that I may need to see running pants as an investment and pay extra bucks for “high quality”, but I call bullshit. I just do not like them, end of discussion. They restrict my range in motion, I am limited, and I cannot handle that. I need my range in motion.

One night last month, Che and I went to a show in my old East Dallas neighborhood to see a band that only he, out of all my friends and acquaintances, has also heard of. The weather that day had been pleasantly warm, but I was fully aware that once the sun set, temperatures would drop and covering up would be necessary. Meh – I wore a dress anyhow, sans tights underneath, and simply threw a jacket on (my arms aren’t quite as tough). We ended up parking several blocks from the restaurant where we had decided to do some pregaming, and Che became needlessly concerned for my comfort when we got out of his car to start walking. In actuality, all I wanted was to dance through the streets, boogie my way towards our destination, to let my legs loose with the freedom that a few extra degrees on the thermometer had afforded them. I felt good.

I have continued to feel good, because we have not had much of a winter. Oh, how I dreaded this winter, without my pup and having to finish out my lease (Updates #2 and #3 coming soon!). The weather has stayed reasonably warm for the most part, however. Lately? I have worn nothing but dresses, let my legs roam free, save for when I am at work and when I am running. It has been lovely, I have been lovely. As it turns out, I had little to dread at all.

———————

Last night, my best friend and I (after watching the new Fifty Shades movie LOL) enjoyed patio time at a bar in the neighborhood that I will be moving to. We updated each other on our personal lives (so much can happen in the nine days you go without seeing one another), but mostly discussed how we both want to approach the current state of our country.

The election of Trump has motivated her to become more involved and active, which I must say makes me happy. Silver lining, y’all. There has been an awakening, people are angry, people are learning how they can make a difference, and they are doing it. We are doing it. I know what we are capable of, I have seen Southwest Airlines drop SeaWorld after we protested outside their headquarters, Ringling Bros is no more after years of protests at their shows, Dallas Animal Services received more funding after showing up and speaking at city council meetings, resolutions and platforms were passed and adopted at our state Democratic convention. There is power in numbers and persistence. Nobody can deny that.

Bestie asked me for guidance in fighting the fight. I am inviting her to every meeting, every round-up, every rally. We have already attended a few events together, and that piece of shit hasn’t even been in office for a month. We shall do good together. I could not be more grateful to have her as a best friend, nor could I be more proud.

After having enough to drink, we closed our tabs and made our way back inside the bar and out the main entrance. Quiet. Calm. Peaceful. Surprising for a Saturday night – a very nice one at that. We walked about fifteen or twenty feet and passed a gate to a residential entry. I pulled my phone out to open an email I received from the leasing office just after I had been approved for my place. The address (my address) in the email matched the address posted on that gate. You see, the property is made up of ten buildings in the area, and although I had an idea of the general location of mine, I could not point it out with certainty. That was it, though. No doubt anymore.

I looked up at my beautiful new building, looked around at what could potentially be my view, and once again became elated. Once we looked around enough, we headed back to Bestie’s car, a walk that I am sure will become very familiar to me and my friends. Can… not… wait.

———————

In short, my year is off to a wonderful start. I feel empowered, inspired, admired, and loved. When moving is out of the way and I have settled down a bit, my intention is to become even more busy. I have resigned from volunteering at Operation Kindness since it will no longer be a short walk from where I live. As much as I will miss it, my plan is to volunteer at the Humane Society instead, which will also mean seeing my other best friend Cent (she is the assistant director there) more frequently. I absolutely hate the saying, but two birds, you know?

And of course, there will be plenty of work to do for the disenfranchised. Ready for it.

So take that, seasonal affective disorder! You are not getting this gal. Daylight Saving time will begin one month from today, spring will follow shortly thereafter, the threat of winter weather will continue to decrease, the days will get longer, and I will be even happier.

Yes. Here comes the sun.

Thoughts on a Thursday night.

I gave a guy my number.

He asked me for it, and made sure to use it the very next day, a good thing since I myself wouldn’t have known how to proceed. I haven’t given a guy my number in seven years. This is new to me once more, just as it was when I was a young(er). Whoa, man.

It has hit me like a ton of bricks that I do not know how to date. Color me clueless. The last time I did, I was in my mid-twenties. I am now in my early thirties, a somewhat different person with a significantly different outlook and entirely different expectations. The truth is, I don’t want to date casually. I do know that much. What a waste of time and energy. If shit is going to happen, then it will happen. The effort I am willing to put in will be minimal, just like it was with the fella, way back in 2009.

He made it so easy. He asked for my number, he texted me every day, he asked to spend time with me, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me was falling in love with me. All this within two months. EASY. That is how it will have to be with any new potential relationship. Who bothers with wondering and playing the guessing game? Not this gal. Gross.

New Guy will have to be direct and not keep me guessing.

If anything, though, I am happy about this development because:

  • I am noticed, I can attract.
  • I was approachable.
  • I wasn’t trying. I had not noticed this guy until he was right in front of me dancing to Frank Sinatra.
  • I did not have to text him first. I was not even given the chance to think about him first, let alone be the one to initiate the messaging.

Go Daisy, right? For real, though, this will likely not go anywhere. Hahaha. Okay by me, honestly. I still live with the fella after all, and this could only lead to awkwardness, something I would very much like to avoid. Awkward situations were my thing ten years ago – not so much anymore. So hooray for me, way to go, but let me get back to just doing my thing for now, mmmkay?

My thing right now continues to be just becoming the best version of myself I can possibly be. I am becoming my happiest self as well. It is impressive how much happier I am since exiting a relationship that had become both draining and stressful. My inner spirit is so much more positive, hopeful, joyful. Also, I am damn proud of myself for being bold enough to walk away from a situation that was not adding to my joy. No settling here, folks. Now, at least once a week, I am tempted to share with anyone who will pay attention: I am so happy!

It’s the truth. I am so happy.

Happy Daisy days.

There is more news to share, by the way!

MexiBestie is moving back to Dallas! It is happening: I am getting my best friend back. Oh, life: there you go giving me exactly what I have asked for once more. You are amazing. It has been almost a year without her and that was long enough! Thank goodness her fiance lives here, it works to my advantage! Thank goodness her job made moves for this to happen, including re-imagining the territories she manages. This is incredible. Oh, man, it would have been so nice to have had her here when The Breakup happened. Ufff. Ah, well. I am getting her back soon and that’s all that matters!

In other news, no pretty way to segue into this, I am reading a new book, E-Squared, by Pam Grout. The premise of the book is that there is an energy field all around us, and we are perfectly able to harness that energy to create our own reality. There is a series of nine experiments that readers are to perform in a span of twenty-one days to prove this to themselves. I am currently still reading background information, a few explanations here and there, and the author’s own testimony. I am hoping to start my own experimentation soon. Stay tuned! This could get exciting!

I will likely not read tomorrow, however. I have been granted a four-day weekend with tomorrow being the first of my days off. Am I the luckiest gal or what? My plan is to ride the train to downtown Dallas and wander about the Dallas Museum of Art for a while. Lately, I have been absorbing just about everything that could possibly benefit me and so, I want to surround myself with beauty and allow it to inspire me. I plan on packing some art supplies and my camera to see what happens (until I get hungry). Then, a visit to my Mom’s and my Grandma’s will follow since they both live near downtown. Homecooked vegan Mexican food, here I come!

Does that not sound lovely? I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. What a wonderful way to live!

Be blessed!

Timing. Changes.

Holy crap.

I may have actually done it. I may have succeeded. I may get precisely what I wanted.

Earlier this year, in the spring, I mentioned wanting to leave the Oncology department that I am currently a member of in order to work in Internal Medicine/Cardiology. That hope has remained present and as luck would have it, last month, I was given the opportunity to work with CardioDoc once more. Wait, no. The opportunity was not simply given to me. I went after it, talked to the right people, was scheduled as I wanted, did get to spend the week in Cardiology, …

… and I crushed it. Even though we were double-booked one day. Even though there were too many doctors working and not enough exam rooms, procedure spaces, nor technical help available. Even though this is not the field I am familiar with nor trained in.

Crushed it.

CardioDoc praised me in the presence of Bossman (the hospital manager) at the end of our week working together and I took it upon myself to tell them both that I would love to work Cardiology permanently.

Let’s make it happen.

Those were CardioDoc’s words to Bossman. I may have pumped my fist afterwards. I am doing so now.

Fast-forward an entire month and Bossman finally told me yesterday that he is thinking about moving me out of Oncology so that I can work in Cardiology for good. Oh, do not tease me so! Please, please make it happen! He said that he needs to speak to the doctors first to make sure they are all on board and agree with this decision. Dude, you already know that CardioDoc agrees, he said it himself. Come on, now.

Ugh. I am trying not to do any preemptive celebrating because this is not set in stone. Also, even if Bossman truly has every intention of making this move, who knows how soon it will take place. There are so many changes happening for our hospital presently – new doctors have started, schedule changes have been made, new software will be installed, construction on a different floor – that Bossman has his plate quite full. My move is not a priority, understandably so. Thankfully, somewhere along the line, I picked patience up as one of my virtues. I will be needing it like none other!

____________________

It feels as though life is entering a transitional phase. The timing seems appropriate, though, given that I have started a new year. I admit, having my birthday come up when it did was something that I initially lamented as I noticed its approach. Now, in retrospect, it was fitting and ideal.

It just felt a bit improper to be in a celebratory mood given that I had just put an end to my relationship. Would he wish me a happy birthday? I did not expect him to feast with me. Would he get me something? It would be the first time in six years for him not to do these things. How awkward. Could I celebrate without him? I was not so sure that I wanted to. What would I be doing for my birthday? I am not the type to plan something for myself. That is just weird.

Welp, Hoolie ended up planning a small gathering just a few nights before my actual birthday. It was lovely, it was joyful, it was needed. She invited friends that we share, friends that she has introduced to me, friends that we have made together, and, of course, the friend who introduced us to one another, Che. We had drinks, shared stories, laughed, danced, played Giant Jenga, played skeeball, and I even got to open several gifts. Just lovely!

We were out all night, but before the the party was over, we took a group photo and in looking at it, I realized that those beautiful people had not known me for very long at all. The longest relationship I have with any of them is with Che, whom I met in late 2014 when I interviewed for my current job. That’s it. Less than two years! Yet, there they all were, on a Thursday night, celebrating, showering me with presents, enjoying life with me. I felt so darn special. I also can’t help but feel proud that even at my age – I turned 32! – I am still creating and cementing new friendships and relationships.

Aaahh, it’s such sweet success.

The following night, my beautiful friend Slow J took me out for a one-on-one dinner date. I can tell that girl anything and everything, no judgement passed, no disapproval, just unwavering support and well wishes. I was able to divulge the details of my breakup to her; she already knew of my relationship’s recent woes, naturally, since she is one of my dearest friends. She is excited about my newfound “freedom”, she told me that she predicts that marvelous things will happen to me, and she assured me that I will undoubtedly work wonders with my time. She is such a sweetheart. I love her. It was nice to spend that time with her.

My birthday finally arrived a couple days later.

The fella did end up wishing me a happy birthday. He even gave me a card and a gift. Believe me when I say that he is truly a great human being. Would you be shocked if the person you just broke up with did these things for you? I was not. That is who he is.  I wish I did not have to end it. I wish it could have worked out. Such a bummer.

This is part of the undergoing transition, from being someone’s significant other to being single. From being in a partnership to being out on my own. Me: single. For the first time in nearly seven years. It’s almost surreal. Scary, even?

Again, the timing of my birthday ended up being perfect. I received so many loving messages – from friends, my parents, my cousins, aunts, uncles, former coworkers, current coworkers, former classmates, online friends, district Democrat friends, activism buddies, former clients. People thanking me for being Daisy, expressing gratitude for having met me, praising me for what I do with my life, conveying admiration for me. Geeze. Way to boost a girl’s spirit when personal matters are getting a tad bit tricky! To top it all off, I had a family birthday lunch gathering at my Grandma’s house complete with a little vegan cake, singing, and birthday candles. Damn.

I am so loved. And I know it. I treasure every single bit of love that is bestowed upon me. I have to. It’s invaluable!

____________________

It is difficult to say what the coming weeks and months have in store for me. My gut is telling me that there will be an interesting mix of positive and negative. It is also telling me that it will not be more than I can handle and that I will remain happy through it all. I tell myself that timing is everything. Che tells me that the only constant in life is change.

Maybe we are all correct?

There is only one way to find out…