I just wanted to write

I don’t even know what I want to write about. That’s not a good way to start. It’s been so long since I have written, though, that I feel that it’s necessary for me to sit down and do it.

This year is off to a good start. Surprisingly, I have actually kept busy this month because just as shockingly, I have been willing to leave home and venture into the cold when I am invited out. This is unusual for me – I usually make every excuse to stay home during the winter months because bundling up and facing low temps? Not my idea of a good time. Ugh, awful. Just awful.

BUT…

Last year, I made a new friend. Back up: last year, I got a new job, made several new friends there, and one of them introduced to my new special (I guess?) friend. Jeezus, I already have multiple “best” friends, it’s hard for me to call her that because then the word “best” loses its meaning, doesn’t it? She does fit the description of a best friend, though. A person’s closest friend. That makes her a best friend, right?

She is. She totally is. In a span of just a few months, she has become one of my closest friends. We talk every day and typically see each other every weekend. I love spending time with her, we clicked from the moment we met (sober… the first time we met sober, because the first time we really met, I was trashed and do not remember a thing. HA!), she gets my sense of humor and personality, she is just as goofy/random/happy as I am, and I wish we had met YEARS ago. She is a loving human being, selfless, perfectly flawed, unabashedly affectionate. I adore her.

I am very thankful that I met and befriended her, and I truly hope it shows. She is so easy to talk to, someone I know I can trust, someone I know will not be judgmental nor try to lecture me. Also, with her as a friend, I have been going to new places, seeking new adventures, and meeting new people (including her wonderful and fascinating circle of friends). I get out more since I met her, which is fantastic, really.

Remember when I used to sit around at home on weekends thinking that everyone was having fun without me? (Don’t feel too bad for me – I am referring to a time ten years in the past.) Not so much anymore. January actually flew by because of how busy she and I keep ourselves, having a good time and whatnot, and this means that I only have to suffer through February before springtime commences its beautiful return. We… are… SO… close!

Anyway. Yes. Hoolie. Awesome. Bestie. I love her. Bottom line.

Since I am on the topic of seasons, though, you know what I hate? Getting out of bed before the sun has even risen. It is so sad to me. I wish I could naturally awaken every day to the sensation of solar rays on my face rather than hearing my phone play the least obnoxious soundbite I could find on it that could be used as an alarm. Ugghhh. It is just not right, it isn’t. And I realized this morning that while every year for the past decade I have looked forward to the beginning of Daylight Saving Time, this year, I am not. For the first time in ten years, I get out of work at a decent enough hour, which grants me time to enjoy at least some sunlight. I haven’t felt the darkness, the lack of doses of sun, so much this winter. But with the clocks “springing” forward next month? Boooooooo. Darkness in the mornings… The struggle will continue.

Woe is me.

I should be grateful for days like today, and yesterday, and the day before. I have been off these past three days and have, in fact, slept in until the brightness met my eyes. The weather has also been pleasantly warm and I could not appreciate it more. This is why I love Texas. This, and all my friends and family of course, is why I cannot see myself leaving. I love warmth and I love sunshine. Again, I am waiting as patiently as I can for spring and summer to arrive.

In other news, my fella and I have renewed our lease! We have wrapped up nearly two years of living together and I’d say we’ve done well. Easy peasy for the most part. Only for the most part. I realized not too long ago that a lot of the issues that I felt we had last year had to do with me wanting space, wanting to live on my own. I just about jumped out of my seat when I read an article reporting that Shonda Rhimes, of Grey’s Anatomy fame, openly discussed that marriage was not for her, nor was cohabitation. She did not want to share a home with a man, regardless of whether or not she was in love with him. I read it and thought, “Yes! I agree! It is not for everyone, it may not even be for me!”

Is it for me? How have I STILL not figured this out? Geesh. Hahaha.

All I know is that for now, I am happy. We will just have to see what the future holds. And looking back to the past (as in the last year), it’s true. I did need space. I wanted to be my own person and do my own thing. Sometimes, I felt that he was holding me back, questioning my motives, not understanding my needs, and perhaps being too judgmental whenever I would decide to do something without him. I think this is where a lot of my frustration with our relationship stemmed from (there were other issues, but those are not for discussion here). It wasn’t all his fault, either. I could not go anywhere alone without someone asking, “Where’s Dustin?” or “Why didn’t Dustin come?” or something along those lines.

Oh, it aggravated me so. Like, shit, y’all. I’m here! 

Haha. What a drama queen, to let that bother me. Again, I just like being an individual. I will never be of those who believe that two people become one. Uh, no. That’s just dumb.

Anyhow, yes! We renewed our lease and I felt all sorts of squishy things on the inside as we both initialed paperwork and signed our names. Our relationship, I feel, is on the right track. I am now enjoying being myself and going off on adventures as I please, but more importantly, we have been doing more together as well. What I have figured in spending more quality time with him is that I really like the guy. I have loved him and continue to do so, that has never been in question. But I now realize that I like him. This is someone who I would want in my life even if I had no chance at being in a romantic relationship with him, even if we had been destined to be friends and nothing more, even if I did not get to know him in the way only a soulmate can know him. I believe feeling this way towards him is meaningful and this is why I know that he and I will be just fine. I only hope that he has similar feels for me. Something tells me that he does…

Man. That is quite a lot for someone who had no idea what she wanted to write about. Have a pleasant week, all. I hope you all have wonderful things to look forward to and smile about. 🙂

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