And the time, such clumsy time

I think I may need to slow down a bit. These last few weeks, I have become a bit of a social butterfly, accepting invites to just about everything, having my weekends planned in ridiculous advance with little room for wandering. It may be getting a little out of hand…

Last Friday night, I got very inebriated on what was meant to be a quiet night of drinks with a small group of girlfriends, but turned into a long night of cab rides, a random house party, interesting strangers, and drunken actions that I do not remember (and would likely regret if I did). My friends have actually filled me in on all the details that I do not recall. Why do these people keep hanging out with me?! Man. No more double IPAs for me. And no more accepting shots from friends.

Anyhow, this past weekend was more mellowed out, thankfully. The gals (they keep hanging out with me) and I made a trip to Oklahoma where we stayed in a beautiful cabin for a weekend of both relaxation and adventure. There was a lot of talking, as you can imagine. Plenty of venting and emotional pouring and mind spilling. We related to one another, gave each other advice, and expressed our love and admiration for each other. It. was. wonderful. I needed that. I am overjoyed that from my failure a few years ago came these marvelous friendships that I strongly cherish and hope to keep forever. It’s funny how life works itself out like that.

At some points during the trip, I admit, I stopped both talking and listening in order to let my mind wander. My brain started calculating and brainstorming, selfishly ignoring whatever was happening around me. The thing is that lately – all month to be exact – I had felt that I lacked the desire to do. Do what? Do it all. Create. Learn. Grow. Help. Move. I knew that I was lacking inspiration, motivation, and energy and I was desperate to find it anywhere I could. So there I was in the middle of nowhere this past weekend, being reminded that life is as beautiful as you allow yourself to perceive it and as simple as you decide to make it. What more do I need than a lovely and peaceful life to do things?

I need time.

That’s the next step: delegating time to what is most important. I do not have to have to a full calendar to feel that I am truly living. It is okay for me to politely decline invites. I can do what I want and only what I want. This year is almost one-third of the way through. In the words of Jimmy Eat World, “If not now, when?” Oh. Listening to For Me This Is Heaven is definitely what I need right now. Thank you, music.


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