I don’t even know why I blog sometimes. It’s not as if I can put everything I am feeling into words. Any attempt to do so will be utterly feeble.
Finals are coming up and all I do with my spare time is study and take care of other responsibilities, like taking care of the critters, eating, sleeping, washing, cleaning, and such. That’s actually the order of my priorities. Technically, taking care of my critters is first, but I didn’t list it first because it is nowhere near as time-consuming as studying is. All this studying is overwhelming and what happens is that I begin ignoring the many other things I have to do and put them off as long as I can until I absolutely have to get them done. So then I do them at very odd and inopportune times, which just throws my normal schedule off, which seems to throw my whole life off, which is not cool. Obviously.
My dear, sweet Mom was going to come help keep me sane during finals week. Just her presence and being able to hug her would be enough. I can only imagine all the positive vibes and encouragement I’d get from having her here. Not only that, but all those responsibilities I mentioned? She was going to take care of them for me! That way, I could focus entirely on studying and the study breaks that I do allow myself to take could be actual breaks and not revolve around getting other things done.
But my wonderful mommy is in the hospital. And my heart is broken. Because I want to be with her. And I can’t.
I know that once she has this surgery done, she will be fine. She just has to take better care of herself like I have been telling her to do! I know that she is surrounded by all our family in Dallas and that she is not alone. I know that she is in excellent care and that she is one tough lady. I know all of this… but it doesn’t change how much I want to hug her. It doesn’t.
I was in class today when I got a message from my brother asking me to call him. So I left the lab and stepped outside. When he told me what happened, he sounded so calm. He told me that he debated telling me because he knew that I was already stressed with school. I kept my calm too. Momentarily. Sometimes, a girl just has to cry. Sometimes, a girl just has to leave school early to go home and cry.
Thankfully, I spoke to Mom tonight. Then I spoke to my Dustin. Then my brother, Cent, and my Dad. They all know she is going to be okay. It’s crazy that they are all more worried about me. Why wouldn’t they be, though? Over here alone, over here overwhelmed. I will be okay, though. We all will.
I just love my motivators.