I’m down.

In just one night, my future has become a projection of uncertainty. I want to be optimistic and hope for a happy ending, but I can’t shake feeling that I’m in for hurt and heartbreak and there is nothing I can do to stop it. That’s the thing about being in love: your happiness is not dependent on you. It lies in the hands of another person. You can’t make that person happy so that person leaves taking your own happiness with him. Nobody wins. I’m very sad right now. He keeps asking if I’m okay, but I’m only as okay as I can be. Today, we’re going to College Station to take care of my housing situation. Up until last night, the plan was for me to move to College Station, finish school, move back to Dallas, and spend the rest of my life with Dustin. The seed of doubt has been planted, though, and I don’t know what’s in store for us as a couple. I’m trying to find at least some comfort in the fact I’m about to start making my way towards becoming a doctor and that he is very supportive of that, but it’s not really working. I’ll have to take it day by day, I guess. Sucks.

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